Jerry Springer and Jackie Guerrrrrrrrrrrra
I have been laid up sick at home since last Tuesday night. I looked at my house this morning and wanted to cry. I felt so bad that, even though I was at home, I got not one thing done. It is like I lost almost a weeks worth of time. ~laffin~ If I stayed away from here, then you know I was really sick.
I have been very thankful for Advil, Theraflu, Puffs, Dayquil and naps.
I did learn something while out.....women do not stay home during the day just to watch television. My gosh....there is NOTHING on!!
If you went to the mail box and found an envelope with the return address of Jerry Springer on it what would you do? You open it up and found a sweet little letter asking you to be a special guest on their show. Do you go out and buy a pretty little dress and have your hair done? There is a dress code for that show but not one that you would expect. If asked on the show you must wear either a weave or a wig. You must wear a skirt or a dress. Wearing pants means that the audience will not see any flesh during the fight. You must wear hoop earrings and know how to swear and slap. And you may NOT wear water proof mascura. I watch one show (granted I was laying on the couch so all of the people were side ways) and I am still not sure what it was about because they bleeped so much of the show. Also, the women on the show tend to want to wrastle (as opposed to wrestling) and cat fight. DThat is where the dress part comes in. Also, you may NOT wear panties. Those women would begin to wrastle and scream at one another. The bleeping and the blurring of the women's naked womanly parts would commence. hhhmmm.....maybe those women would have benefitted from pantypalooza?!?!? If you get a letter from Jerry asking you to be on his show you have NOT won a great prize nor is he sending you on a cruise. You are being invited to the show because 1) the paternity of your children are in dispute, 2) your parents or siblings are not really your family or 3) someone you are close to is sleeping around with someone else you know but would have never suspected.
After that, the TV stayed on DIY so that I could drift in and out and still have crafts on my mind. Sadly, I can say that I have outgrown Carol Duvall. I used to watch her faithfully years ago when she was on the Home Show. She always did the neatest things! And now, well, it seems as though her heart is just not into it anymore. I fear that I have outgrown Carol.
Another crafter that I watched is Jackie Guerra. She pronounces it Guerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrra. She does a jewerly craft show and I thought that I would pick up some tips for my beads. WRONG. DIY...some pointers 1) Your host should at least be able to CRAFT something. All I saw her do was correct her guest who did the actual crafting or take away an item that the crafter was making and put it on. 2) Make her stop putting 16 r's into her last name! Even Chevy pick-up who is hispanic does not do that to that extent! 3) Just slapping a big girl onto a program will not make other big girls loyal viewers. Now I applaude your use of someone that is not a size 3. That was a good move. But, it is just not working. The other day in Court, one of the young ladies that was testifying was about a 16. She was wearing a shirt that was at least 3 sizes to small. I told the intern, *Just because a shirt SAYS XL does not mean that all of us big girls can get into it.* DIY, just because your show features a big girl does not mean that I can get into it.
If I had a crafting show, it would be *Mindy's Crafting Show* and I would not let anyone else come on the show unless that were doing a craft that I did not know how to do. Otherwise, I would be taking away their craft and re-doing it. I am not proud of knowing that I would do that but I know...I would do that. You know the saying, *If you want something done right, do it yourself.* Maybe that is why I am good at my job. I do not say *I would suggest that you try blah blah blah*. I say *You WILL do this and this and this.*
I am waiting for DIY to call an offer me Jackie Guerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrra's job anyday now.
One of my latest creations.....
I want a nap.
I have been very thankful for Advil, Theraflu, Puffs, Dayquil and naps.
I did learn something while out.....women do not stay home during the day just to watch television. My gosh....there is NOTHING on!!
If you went to the mail box and found an envelope with the return address of Jerry Springer on it what would you do? You open it up and found a sweet little letter asking you to be a special guest on their show. Do you go out and buy a pretty little dress and have your hair done? There is a dress code for that show but not one that you would expect. If asked on the show you must wear either a weave or a wig. You must wear a skirt or a dress. Wearing pants means that the audience will not see any flesh during the fight. You must wear hoop earrings and know how to swear and slap. And you may NOT wear water proof mascura. I watch one show (granted I was laying on the couch so all of the people were side ways) and I am still not sure what it was about because they bleeped so much of the show. Also, the women on the show tend to want to wrastle (as opposed to wrestling) and cat fight. DThat is where the dress part comes in. Also, you may NOT wear panties. Those women would begin to wrastle and scream at one another. The bleeping and the blurring of the women's naked womanly parts would commence. hhhmmm.....maybe those women would have benefitted from pantypalooza?!?!? If you get a letter from Jerry asking you to be on his show you have NOT won a great prize nor is he sending you on a cruise. You are being invited to the show because 1) the paternity of your children are in dispute, 2) your parents or siblings are not really your family or 3) someone you are close to is sleeping around with someone else you know but would have never suspected.
After that, the TV stayed on DIY so that I could drift in and out and still have crafts on my mind. Sadly, I can say that I have outgrown Carol Duvall. I used to watch her faithfully years ago when she was on the Home Show. She always did the neatest things! And now, well, it seems as though her heart is just not into it anymore. I fear that I have outgrown Carol.
Another crafter that I watched is Jackie Guerra. She pronounces it Guerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrra. She does a jewerly craft show and I thought that I would pick up some tips for my beads. WRONG. DIY...some pointers 1) Your host should at least be able to CRAFT something. All I saw her do was correct her guest who did the actual crafting or take away an item that the crafter was making and put it on. 2) Make her stop putting 16 r's into her last name! Even Chevy pick-up who is hispanic does not do that to that extent! 3) Just slapping a big girl onto a program will not make other big girls loyal viewers. Now I applaude your use of someone that is not a size 3. That was a good move. But, it is just not working. The other day in Court, one of the young ladies that was testifying was about a 16. She was wearing a shirt that was at least 3 sizes to small. I told the intern, *Just because a shirt SAYS XL does not mean that all of us big girls can get into it.* DIY, just because your show features a big girl does not mean that I can get into it.
If I had a crafting show, it would be *Mindy's Crafting Show* and I would not let anyone else come on the show unless that were doing a craft that I did not know how to do. Otherwise, I would be taking away their craft and re-doing it. I am not proud of knowing that I would do that but I know...I would do that. You know the saying, *If you want something done right, do it yourself.* Maybe that is why I am good at my job. I do not say *I would suggest that you try blah blah blah*. I say *You WILL do this and this and this.*
I am waiting for DIY to call an offer me Jackie Guerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrra's job anyday now.
One of my latest creations.....
I want a nap.
I would not even be able to be on your show. Maybe i could show you how to make that garder that I made for Bebo, but you would just take it away and say "no Baby Gator you do it like this."
ReplyDeleteOh, hope you feel better soon--and I would totally watching a craft show by the Princess of Everything.
ReplyDeleteI wondered where you went. Hope you are feeling better soon. The necklace is lovely!
ReplyDeleteWhere can I get one of those?
ReplyDeleteMs. Cheese...if you come and visit me I will make you one with beadsI pick out just for you. It started out as one long strand and I took it apart and made it into two. It has a magnetic clasp that I just love!
ReplyDeleteLOLOL How many times have I sat here and bitched to you about the fact that I have a bazillion channels and there is STILL never anything to watch? You had to find out the hard way. After my two hour Walton's fest every morning, the TV is OFF the rest of the day. I Can't figure out how they got along with just a radio, but it's not like I watch TV all day anyway. I cannot stand soaps talk shows sports or news. The kids channels drive me nuts (I never even liked that stuff when I WAS a kid) and even the used-to-be brainiac channels have turned to crap. A SERIES about tatoo "artists" on the DISCOVERY CHANNEL?? Oh the INhumanity of it all!
ReplyDeleteit's lovely Mindy. really lovely :)
ReplyDeleteI can totally see you as a guest on the Carol Duvall show. You'd probably be all in her face - "Pay attention, Carol, and don't interrupt me again. Okay?"
ReplyDeleteHmmm... maybe you could go all Jerry Springer while guesting on Carol Duvall and score some sort of daytime TV double play. Or something.
This is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, Mindy. I'm glad you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteOoh! very pretty necklace!
ReplyDelete