Monday, September 15, 2014

I'm the Mindy, Gotta Love Me

I know I am weird.  I make no claims to be anything other than weird. I think that the world would be a lot better place if everyone was upfront with their quirkiness and embraced it instead of thumping their chest acting like they were perfect.  

Last week's word was Throwed Off.  We embrace that here in the South.

Mindy and throwed off:

1.   I hate raw onions but love them cooked.
2.   I think that when someone leaves a buggy all willy nilly in a parking lot, they should have to be chained to said buggy and have to drag it around with them for 24 hours.
3.   I cannot be left alone in a house where there are potato chips or chili cheese fritos.
4.   It used to be the same thing with flaming hot Cheetos until I pooped red and it scared me.  They sure don't put THAT in the commercial.
5.   I think my left boob is involved in an intricate plan to succeed from my body.  I guess to form it's own state or something.  They both tend to have a mind of their own.
6.   People really should call me for answers.  I don't always know how to run my own life but I am purty damned good at running other peoples.  ~grins~
7.  I refuse to buy a waffle maker because of all of the different recipes I see on pinterest. 
8.  I fry bacon on my George Foreman grill.  Now I won't fry it any other way.
9.  I binge watch TV.  Especially if a new season is released all at once (House of Cards, Orange is the New Black).  Netflix and I are buddies.
10. I am now addicted to jigger videos on youtube. 
11. I believe that raising my two children is my greatest accomplishments. 
12. When something needs to be done and I just do not have it in my to do it, I just ignore it.  I am that ostrich whose head is in the sand.  An example:  I have not mowed my backyard all summer.  Well, actually, I mowed half of it.  The spring started off great.  I planted my little garden and all was well.  Until I got my first tomato.  I was surprised to find it in the exact same place as the first little tomato the year before.  I took a picture of it without thinking and started to send it to my daddy.  Then I remembered he is not on that other end of that number anymore.   The last picture I sent to him was the last season's first little tomato.  That was the last thing we talked about.  I have not really gone into my back yard since then.  Everything died and the grass grew tall.  The back yard ~shudders~
13.  Grief freaking sucks.
14.  My favorite doctor is still #9 Christopher Eccleston.  I keep hoping he comes back.  When I look at the feeds on my blog and see that someone has looked at it from places like Villiars Rhone-Alpes, United Kingdom, Saherarita Arizona and Calgary Alberta....I just know it is Dr. Who checking in on me.  I would have been a great companion. 
15.  I could never work at a job that would require me to tuck in my shirt.  NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN.
16.  I have a B.O.B. at home and a small one at work.
17.  I have all of the teeth that my kids have lost.  I do not want to keep them. Something just seems so wrong about throwing them away.
18.  The oddest think I ever bought, inadvertently, at a garage sale was teeth. REAL teeth.
19.  I have uncanny luck about winning things.  I have not played for awhile because I get embarrassed by winning.  BUT...I am going to Vegas soon!!  Wish me luck!
20.  I love hearing conspiracy theories. 

Monday, September 01, 2014

Pockets and Bubbles

I have not ridden my scooter in over a year. I cannot get it to start. It has a flat tire.   I bought a new battery for it.  It tries to start but it just makes the noises and does not catch and sputter to life.

Every night I drive home and it just looks at me.  Happy, inviting and pink but, no life.

No joy.

That is how my life has looked for a while now....happy and inviting on the top side but paddling like hell underneath and not getting anywhere.

I have not had any real time to breathe for a long time now.  I guess that has been a good thing.  I have gotten a lot of things accomplished for the outside and I have done it well.  All the while, getting more and more numb.

I stopped chasing joy.

I have always had a very good charmed life.  I know that at the very core of my being.  There was just a few rough patches but, I would not change them for anything.  I am a happy person.  But, numbness is fickle and it sneaks up on you.  It steals your joy.  Instead of chasing it like I normally do when it is slipping through my fingers, I just watched it leave.

I was numb enough for awhile that I did not care.  I was content to be in that place where I did not feel anything.  I lost myself and some other people during that time.  I worked, took care of what I needed to for mom, slept and ate.  The giant blue bubble around me just got smaller and smaller.  I stopped being able to sleep.  I became prickly and on edge.  It got harder.

Then I began to notice something.  There were small pockets of joy.  The would show up and I would suck them in like I was going down for the third and final time.  Those small pockets saved me even before I knew that I needed saving.

They came beside the ocean...with the rain falling down on me and the waves making background music.

They came listening to my co-workers laugh.

They came when Camille hugs me.

They came when tiny baby girl was in my arms.

They came in a Dr. Who episodes that make me laugh and cry.

They came in lunches and suppers across the table from a good friend.

They came in the hug of a clown.

They came with unexpected kindnesses. 

They came sitting at the dinner table with my kids and grands and hearing V give thanks for me being there.

They came on a Saturday morning wrapped in a sheet in front of a camp fire surrounded by women who know me even when I think I am hidden.

It seems like joy chased me when I was too tired to chase it.

I am very grateful that the pockets are getting bigger.

Saturday, August 16, 2014


I have now been at my job for 18 years and 3 days.  A job I was never supposed to have in a town I was never supposed to live in.  Living a life I was never supposed to live.

I was supposed to grow up, get married, have babies, drive a mini van,take the kids to soccer and girl scouts and have a 50th wedding anniversary

The back up plan was to get married, have babies, go to college at night and then become a speech and drama teacher. 

Instead....I almost got grown up, got pregnant, got married, got divorced, got married, got pregnant, got divorced, went to college, grew up kinda and became a probation officer.

Well...I got the drama part right. 

The woman I was supposed to be is a runner (I have no IDEA why!!  But she is that in my mind...never mind I do not even like to walk briskly).  She is slender and tucks her shirt in.  She has white teeth and wears cute Toms and never ever yells.  She is the VP of the PTA and always takes the best decorated cupcakes to all of the bake sales. She is cute and everyone smiles when her name is mentioned.

In reality, this week, I ate a whole bag of Cheetos in less than 24 hours.  I had it hidden in the bottom drawer of my desk at work.  I taught my classes. I got very little sleep.  I cried.  

I DO wear Toms.  Got 2 pair at Goodwill this week.  GO ME!!  I think the other Mindy would have only purchased them at the store so some child could have gotten a free pair.

I ended up being smack dabbed exactly where I was never ever supposed to be.

And I could not be any happier about it. 

Long before I ever even applied for this job, my life  had already intertwined with those that were already there.

I had a summer micro term with one E.  We did not figure it out until later.
J had babysat the first guy I ever kissed.  
I went to school with one of their wives....he came all the way from another state.
Rach and I went to the same junior high in my birth town...she likes to point out *a decade apart*.
M2 grew up with a guy and ended up at the same college he was attending.   She graduated...he did not at that time...he and I later became friends when I attended that college.

'hole lot of 6 degrees of separation there huh?

So, what would I say to *that* Mindy?  Stop being afraid. See people for who they are and not for what they could possibly be.  Your boobs are always going to be big.  Seriously, BIG.  You will still get to teach....just not in a way that you could have ever imagined.  Stop doing something because someone else thinks that you should.  Listen to your heart.  There will come a time, trust me on this, that you will feel comfortable about who you are.  For Reals.  Truly...TRULY be open.....because there are going to be people that you meet up with that are supposed to be in your life....let them in.  Keep planting those seeds regardless.  Know that you can be sweet and strong all at the same time.

But, most of all, be ready....cause your life is about to make a really surprising turn and OMG you are so going to love the characters in this novela.  


...cue that bodacious theme music..... I have so missed you. 

Wednesday, March 05, 2014


...and you don't throw a fit.  ~grins~
Everyone I know seems to be tired, going through something or just kinda blah.  So, let's have a swap!  ~laffin~  Why not add a little pressure to your day.

We are going to swap stuffed envelopes.  It's kinda of a *you get what you get and you don't throw a fit* swap.  All that you will be required to do is STUFF AN ENVELOPE WITH RANDOM THINGS and send it out by the deadline.

The rules:

1.   Sign up by leaving a comment here and/or facebook. Just tell me you want to swap. 
2.   Let me know if there is something that will keep you from swapping with someone. are allergic to cats or you are a vampire and cannot get to the post office during the day time or you have a weird aversion to manila envelopes or something.  That way I do not pair you up with someone who is compatible. 
3.  No Lisa, you cannot mail your son's basset hound through the mail.
4.  Buy an 8.5 X 11 envelope.  You can get a set of 2 at Dollar Tree for $1.00.
5.  Stuff that envelope.  Stuff it good with what ever you want to set free.
6.  Do NOT make this difficult.  Don't go asking what your partner WANTS and stuff like that.  Just sent em what's ya got.
7.  Have I mentioned that I have to stay out of Dollar Tree.  I go in for 1 DAMNED THING and come out with $17.00 dollars worth.  All at a dollar a pop.  SMH
8.  Are you even still reading?  You would really be surprised what happens if you follow rule #6.  Most of the time what you send out is just perfect.
9.  Children are also not allowed to be mailed through the US mail.
10.  Mail your envelope out by the deadline.

SIGN UPS WILL CLOSE THIS SUNDAY 3/9/14.  Send outs will be the last day of the month.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.

There has been some questions on how I pair up swappers.  I posted a pic of a big old bowl and everyone's names on FB last time.  That is truly how I pair people up.  I have been known to tamper fix help the selection along once or twice.  I have hand picked when I know that there is an allergy.  I have also put names BACK into the bowl if I pull people that I know have been swap partners before or are already good friends.  I like everyone to try to meet new people.  I don't even hand pick who I swap with.  It is totally left up to chance.  I really wish you could have seen the things that I got to see on my end last time with the swapper pairings.  Some people were just SUPPOSED to be paired up and it was great. swapper can totally fill my envelope up with cash or samples so that I can TRAVEL!  ~grins~

Thursday, February 13, 2014


 For several years I have hosted Pantipalooza.  My friends and I set aside Valentine's Day to do for people that were down on their luck or hurting. I always focused on my local Women's Crisis Center.  Through out the year I would buy panties and things to just make life easier for women.

Then last year I just stopped.  So many of you were good and continued doing what you had been doing. But I didn't.

I am not sure why I stopped.  Life got busy?  I did not have time?  Stress?

Maybe I forgot.  Lord help me...I forgot how it feels to be on the opposite end of things. 

Valentines Day is a difficult day for a whole lot of and women alike.  My brother *affectionately*  calls it Single Awareness Day.  People are going through things that are hard for us to even imagine.  Some are just lonely.  Most times we do not even know who those people are. We all are good at wearing our masks.
So, even though I have dropped the ball two years in a row now, I am going to issue you a challenge  I am going to ask you  I am going to guilt you into   I am going to DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to use Valentine's day to use your powers for good.

I ask you to do something...anything...for someone or some agency on Valentine's day.  A simple or a complex act of kindness.  Diapers for a local agency *waves at Claire and her generous yearly donation of "tiny panties"*, paying for an order in the drive through, a gift card left where someone can find it, flowers, candy, a Valentine card,  a phone call or a text.  I promise you that nothing you will do will be too small.

and then when you do that, can you do one more tiny thing for me?  Post what you did on my page.  I will be so grateful.

 ....who is excited to welcome in new Royalty into the Kingdom of Pantilona....a most wonderful place where everyone wears their rocketship underpants.  It's right next door to Wonka's place.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


The word prompt this week is: Selfie.

I actually like taking pictures of myself.  I know that is totally odd.  I am normally the one behind the camera.  Cell phones changed all of that.  I take them all the time.  I tend to only be pleased with the ones in which I am wearing a hat or my sunglasses. I also LOVE picmonkey to alter and *fix* my pictures.  I always *touch up* my pictures.

                                                   Cell phone pic.  Only cropped no other retouches. 
The older I get, the more I have come to love my body.  Oh, don't get me wrong!  I can rattle off my *faults* in a heart beat.  See that line between my eyes?  OMG you cannot see it?!?!?  It has been there for years. In my mind you could lay a pencil in it.   It's the first thing I see when I look at myself.  I also hate my teeth, my boobs and how my nails look naturally.

But in my later 40's I have come to learn to be at peace with my body.  It has really served me well.  I have had only one real health scare.  It has birthed two babies.  No broken bones.  10 fingers 10 toes.

I have also learned to love my life.  I have touched on it before.....I was always afraid.  Also thinking some clown was going to jump out from behind the door.  A few years ago I thought *f that*.  I started working on my bucket list.  I started learning how to face my fears.  I learned  to sleep without a cover.  AAhhh...well you can strike that last one.  Everyone knows that if you have a cover on you, nothing can get you while you sleep.  

In June I realized, I am not scared anymore.  

So here I am, rockin' and rolling.  Checking things off my bucket list.  Growing....moving forward.

I have always thought that I am my own worst enemy.  And I thought I had conquered Mindy.

Then I got a phone call this morning.


She used her sweet voice.  The one that sounds like *oh yes I would LOVE to make the cookies for the bake sale thank you SO MUCH for calling me* voice.

" I don't mean this rude.  I don't mean this in a manipulative way.  I don't mean this cruelly but,I don't like the person you have become. I do not like that you are not a sweet caring person anymore.  You have pushed everyone away and no one likes who you have become.  You are trying to reinvent yourself and do things and you do not have to do that.  You are just fine the way that you are. "


I calmly told her fine and thank you for your thoughts and hung up the phone.  I was so stunned that I did not even try to argue or defend myself.  There was no reason to.  It would not have mattered. 

I have heard it all before.  She has said different versions of the words as I grew up. " I am so disappointed in you.  You are too fat.  You are  too skinny.  I liked you better were at least nice then.  I hate that you are not sweet like you were in high school." 

*Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.*

Bullshit.  I would rather see the bruises on the outside.  People do not think they hurt you if they cannot see the bruises.  Words are SO.DAMN.POWERFUL.

I am secure in myself.  I think that is the very first time that I have ever fully realized that.

So I say all of that to say this.....
                                           Infamous bathroom pic.  No if you cannot tell.
I refuse to change who or what I am to suit someones idea of beauty anymore.  That means outer or inner beauty.  You are either in my life or out.

And I am fine with either choice that you make.

...those words did wound me....but those words are not mine to hold.