*When Bad Things Happen To Good People*

I am not at home. My family came and got me and I am now in Clarendon to spend the week before Christmas with my family. This week is froth with good things. Why today alone our good deeds numbered many. We fed the poor, gave alms to the needy, wiped the brow of the feverish, helped partridges find pear trees. I have been gone from Plainview less than 48 hours. After all of my good deeding today, I come home to this comment on my blog:

*Um... Ok. I'm not usually the type to air personal business in public settings, but I thought perhaps your e-friends might be of help and support in your time of loss.What loss, you ask? Well. Um. One of your fish has demised himself in your office aquarium, while you have been gone. We questioned the other fish thoroughly and although he remains a suspect, we have no evidence of foul play at this time. The main reason I felt the need to burden your holiday break with this information is that when we tried to perform funerary duties as we saw fit (I had a lovely eulogy prepared and Rose was going to sing. ChevyPickup was going to officiate over the eucharist.) we couldn't find the net. So, do you have any suggestions on how we should remove the body? (Rose suggested a steak fork or tongs. Luckily we don't access to either of those implements either.)By the way, Rose is adamant that although she did, in fact, discover the remains, she is not a suspect. ChevyPickup is trying fingerprint Rose and things are starting to get a bit ugly.* SpookyRach

One of the girls at the office killed one of my goldfish. Then, none of them could find a net to get him out. THEY ENDED UP USING A LADLE!! Why oh why did this happen to me?? Why when I have never harmed these women?? Was it plotted? I do not know. A crime of opportunity? Could be. Are they retalitating because of my wit? charm? beauty??

I pointed out in an email to Rach that *real* friends would have just replaced the goldfish and acted as though nothing had ever happened. She wrote back and told me that was thought of but was deemed dishonest. I am so glad that their integrity remains unfailing.

My fish was innocent and was struck down in the prime of its tiny little life. Rest in peace my little friend. Rest in peace.

These are the same women that have kidnapped one of my frogs and left a ransom note with green frog blood on it.

The same who tease me about clowns.

Your prayers are requested for the remaining fish. Lordy only knows what they will do to him before I return. I will have to face the new year without him.

BTW, they ended up flushing him down the office toilet.

I cannot let them babysit BeBo.....he is too big to flush.


  1. Anonymous8:06 PM

    Mindy, I am so sorry for your loss in this most joyous of seasons. Some people might think that the loss of a little thing, such as a fish, is a little thing, but it is no little thing to lose a little thing, especially at the hands of such imcompetent nincompoots.

    I know that our little fishies must surely have met today in fishie heaven.

  2. My deepest condolences. What a horrid time for this!

    We have achieved "magnetude", both Friday Mom and I, by the way.

    Merry Christmas...try to hold your chin up after this devastating loss.

  3. ROFL


    I mean

    sorry for your loss!

    and yeah you just can't get the staff nowadays can you?

  4. HAHAHAHA, my brother couldn't fit in the potty if he tried. They would have to get a plunger. I laughed so hard Mom Gator. I love you so much. You are so funny!

  5. That was funny, Mindy. Especially the BeBo comment, although I think you should have taught him to flush when you were potty-training him. (JK) =o)

  6. Kelly...you are such a nut and I Like you!!

    Anon...you make me laugh...that helps so much in this difficult time!

    Yea YT!! You have completed your task well little grasshopper!!

    All of your well wishes help.

  7. The line line makes it art...

  8. Oops...that would be "The *last* line makes it art!"

    Crap. I'm going back to bed. Just got up to see if that kid was born yet.

  9. Just wanted to say that in my workplace we have an employee grief support group. Perhaps you could start one at your place of work---but do not allow suspected murderers to join it!

  10. Litany for a Dead Fish--

    O Lord, who created the glinty golden fish for the sole purpose of decorating the desks of those who toil in the bowels of the criminal justice system, we pray that you receive this fish into the aquarium of heaven and comfort Mindy in her great loss.

    And Lord, it wouldn't make us unhappy if those who flushed its body away and then left satiric comments on Mindy's blog about its demise received a little smite of rebuke.


  11. Oh. Well. Gee. Where to begin?

    We were pretty prostrate with grief yesterday after the whole fish-who-slept-with-the-fishes incident. After all, ChevyPickup had fed the fishies first thing in the morning, just like she was supposed to. Then there was the unpleasant scene with the ladle and the vase/hearse and then the big flush.

    Would now be a bad time to mention that you should probably avoid the soup here until we've had time to really wash that ladle?

    So we came into work today ready to really do our best with the remaining fish. I mean, we all know that time after the funeral is usually the worst for the surviving family, right? We wanted to be supportive to the remaining fishie and really reinforce our sense of community and crap like that. Our intentions were good.

    But the fish, it was not so good.

    Yep. We've got another floater.

    Do you want us to flush it now or wait for you to make it down here for the service?

  12. Is it wrong to laugh?


    Oh. Then I don't want to be right!

  13. I am so sorry to hear of your loss - were you able to tell him/her how much you loved him and Merry Christmas before you left? I hope so! I hope you figure out the mystery and take proper legal actions! At least they gave him/her a proper burial!

  14. ROFL (must not laugh out loud in the deserted library).

    I'm so sorry for your apparently double loss.

    And, yeah, I'm not allowed near the office fish, either. In fact I just now realized, at least a day after the fact, that someone must have taken ours home for the holidays (or maybe it died?).

  15. Did you know your fish was Jehova's Witness? He wasn't embalmed, so we had to plant him p.d.q.

    This was discovered while we were gathered around the scene of the crime discussing which was worse - soiling the ladle again or leaving him floating there until next Tuesday.

    We decided to use the ladle.


  16. Just a bit of advise, Princess....Don't buy any more fish for the office!

    Just how do you expect to feed the many....with just bread and no fish!

  17. Nincompoot, hee hee hee!

  18. I will admit that I am the anonymous mourner. What kind of people do you work with? To be entrusted with the precious little lives, and to fail so miserably.

    I do hope you can find it in your heart to forgive them...

    I bet you anything, they overfed the little dears. Everybody knows you ought not to overfeed the fishies.

  19. Sorry, Mindy. We have fish, too, and I have spent more than a few minutes praying over the sick ones. If you get new fish, don't change the water (really!). Just take out about 1/3 (you can water the plants with it) and replace it with filtered water. The new fish will love it.

  20. This is bad news. And, very funny.

  21. Mindy, you know I love you and all, but this is just too hysterical! I'm wiping away the tears. My advice is to NOT get a new fish, claim that you restocked the tank, and insist that your co-workers can't see it because it is afraid to come out when there are visitors in your office.

  22. I'm with little david, I actually have tears running down my face. The email from Rachel is TOOO MUCH. And now they killed a second fish?

    These people are TROUBLE!!!


Post a Comment

I am a girl who LOVES attention. Comment + attention = happy Mindy!

Popular Posts