The *Other* Woman
So here I was in Austin falling head over heels in *love*. I was dressed as a total mom. Oh, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about! Denim capris, fuchsia Lane Bryant big girl t-shirt, ankle socks and tennis shoes. Just plain styling I tell ya! Cause all 44 year old moms are just hot.
Then SHE *spits* walks in. She sits there with *enraptured* all over her face. Readers....it was bad. Some of us are not made to flirt. It is just not a talent that was given to us. Then, you couple the inept flirting with big girl syndrome and it is...well...eerrr.....it is different things if you are in different parts of the room. If it is YOU...then it is Paris Hilton hot. If you are the singer and the one that the darts 'o flirt are being hurled at...then it is uncomfortable. If you are the 14 year old boy that is seated on the couch close it you....then it is just weird. And if you are the two women (that would be me and babygator!) seated behind you then it becomes hysterical and great blog fodder!! The whole thing was freakishly akin to a Saturday Night Live skit.
She started keeping time with her right shoulder. Not tapping her foot....not snapping her fingers....but flinging her right shoulder back and forth. There was no grace to it. No fluid rocking. Just a back and forth like she had learned her move from watching Richard Simmons in Sweating To the Oldies.
After each song she had questions. And he was so sweet and patient. Questions such as *Do you know Richard....eerrrmmm.....Richard.....now what is his last name......some guy named Richard?* John *Well, I know some Richards but remember I am from California.* Her, *OH! Then I bet you know him!!*
She shoulder sways back and forth and back and forth and occasionally throws her hair back. At times, she gets up to walk off. She takes a few steps, stops, and turns to look at him with a come hither glance. This happens several times. The last time she wonders off and brings back a piece of paper....sits.....shoulder jerks.....and realizes that she did not have a pen. She again gets up and hunts up a pen. EVERY TIME with the stopping midway and glancing back.
She gets all of her supplies together and then begins to write. Occasionally she looks up and blows him a kiss or shoulder flings. Poor man, at this time he cannot even look at me or babygator cause we are cracking up. When he ever catches our eyes...then he cannot keep a straight face.
After writing for about 10 minutes...on the FRONT and the BACK of the paper, she settles in to listen to his music some more after putting the note in his tip jar.
Then, after he finishes the song he was singing....she TELLS him that she placed the note in his tip jar. Like he would think she was just giving him directions to the local Sonic or a recipe for pumpkin bread! *rolls my eyes*
This is BEBO sitting on the couch listening to John Craigie.
This is her sitting next to Bebo's couch.
She gets so caught up in the music that her right hand reaches out and settles on Bebo's couch and she begins to fondle it and caress it about 4 inches away from Bebo's feet. He has no clue as to what she is doing but it slowly begins to freak him out. He watches some more and her movements on the couch quicken....but they were not as fast as Bebo getting the hell off of the couch.
She finally decides to make her exit. She gets up...walks a few steps...and blows John Craigie a big kiss. I am sure that she totally thought that she would be waking up with him the next morning.
Babygator and I have tears streaming down our faces at that point cause we are laughing so hard.
The guy that was leading the ghost tour arrived and we got up to leave while John was playing his last song. As we left, we grinned, lurched seductively away...turned to look back at him and blew a kiss. Poor man lost it just then and started laughing.
While in Austin, I fell in love.
And saw the love of my life snatched away by the American Version of Bridgett Jones. I also saw in her myself if I was 20 year younger and did not have any good common sense.
Now isn't that just the story of my life?!?!?!