Rose Colored Tu-Tu's

I found a jelly bean on the floor of the CRV this morning. I am not even a jelly bean kinda girl and I STILL had to talk myself out of eatting it. That is how undisciplined that I have let myself become. I wanted to eat it only because it was something that could go into my mouth.

The defination of addiction that makes the most sense to me is this:

Addiction: the continued behavior despite negative consequences.

I am not a stupid person at all. I know how to take care of myself. I know what to eat and what not to eat. I guess I have lulled myself into thinking that I will magically wake up healthy and thin someday. Someone left a comment without a name yesterday that said they needed to do this but that they did not think that they were ready. I am not ready. If I wait until I am ready...well I will begin to look like the blueberry girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If I leave it up to myself.....I will never be truly ready. I have come to believe that people hardly ever change without a reason. Alot of times that involves pain or fear.

In my class, we talk about the reasons that a person uses alcohol or drugs. They use because they get something out of it. There is ALWAYS a benefit to addiciton. If there was no benefit then there would be no use. They know each time they use how it will make them feel. They depend on it. It is their FRIEND. They can count on it. It is the same thing with me and food. Food is my friend. I also know that it can be my enemy and my down fall.

Songbird commented *I always feel afraid that it won't be enough, that if I say I'm going to eat healthy, what i really ought to be doing is eating nothing, which is of course ridiculous and self-defeating. It is an addict's thinking, isn't it? * I totally understand that. I set myself up for failure before I even start. I have to eat healthy. I KNOW how to. I just have to start doing it. Weight Watchers and First Place are excellant places to get back onto that track. I am just not fortunate enough to have those classes going on at a place that I can get to them right now. I have done First Place before and it is an excellant program and I still have all my stuff. I have pulled it all out and began writing down my food today. I am also drinking my water ~gags~ and have started walking.

I appealed to ya'll and to my fellow co-workers. This is what we are toying around with doing here at work. We are going to start tomorrow. Tomorrow everyone weighs and records that weight. Everyone will put $10.00 into the pot. Then, each week on the same day, we will weigh. If you lost weight or stayed the same, you pay $1.00. If you gain weight, you put in $2.00. At the end of 8 weeks, who ever has lost the most weight will get 1/2 of the pot. Second and third place will split the other half. Knowing that people are working at this with me will help me SO much!! And will make it so much easier.

And I finally flung that damned jelly bean out the window.


  1. Getting rid of the jelly bean would be hard for me. They're my favorite. The only time I successfully lost weight was weight watchers. It was successful for me because I had to pay for it, and I'm so cheap that I could never pay for something and not get my money's worth--which is why I have to turn the other way when I see a buffet bar. The money thing might work for you, if you are similar to me that way.

  2. I am totally the same way ppb. I think it will be fun doing it here with everyone and money involved.

    Buffet bars would be hard for me. And leaving something on my plate when I am full is like a sin!

  3. Mindy
    use a smaller plate - and loads of "rabbit food" as hubby calls it.

    I don't like jelly beans - crisps (chips) are my biggest enemy. I think I crave salt sometimes.

  4. Mindy --

    I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. I too am a Weight Watchers person and found it worked because of the psychological support at the meetings. Support is key and it sounds like you have found a way to create some.

  5. ...wonder where that jelly bean landed?

  6. The thing that worries me about Weight Watchers (which I also used successfully in the dim past) is the goal-oriented aspect. In my case, I lost 50 pounds, was within three pounds of goal, then got pregnant. I swelled up with fluid right from the beginning and it didn't seem possible to lose three more pounds, then maintain that weight for six more weeks, when I was already six weeks pregnant.
    I never got anywhere close to that weight again, and I am 16 years older now. It just seems impossible. I was so angry and hungry all the time!! Is there some point between where I am now and where I was then that would be okay? I'm afraid in a group situation, I would set myself up to fail.
    (Can you tell this was timely for me?)

  7. Mindy,
    Try weight watchers online. It's not very expensive and has lots of cool features. You can use it to log in what you eat and keep track of your points. It has a link to calculate points of food, including lots of food in restaurants. You log your weight in once a week and it gives you feed back.

    It's worked well for me and for Portia and Babs.

  8. WW online. wonder if I could get that here. The Finnish one is full of finns and Finnish recipes :( and that doesn't motivate me.

    Songbird and Mindy (and any others...)-we walk BRISKLY tomorrow ok?

    Oh and Songbird you did very well 16 years ago - you aren't supposed to diet when pregnant! And we mums look better for a curve or two - honest. In school one of my ex class nearly died two years ago from anorexia -it's a real problem here in Finland and I do think that the ideal weight is not always the right one for us. We should be able to maintain a reasonable weight with a life style of eating well (not heavily or calorie laden stuff) and exercise -and I'm not a fan of being angry or tired all the time either.

    There IS middle ground somewhere.

  9. songbird we can just do it here if you want to. I have the support of ya'll and my people at work. I am going to see how that works. I am also using It allows you to chart your food and excercise and stuff.

    You are not alone songbird. We all feel that way. We are just going to do this nice and easy.

  10. Writer785:36 PM

    celebrate every victory! All hail Princess Mindy, defeater of the Jelly Bean of Doom! With her mighty arm, she hath hurled the dread bean to the earth with the force of a mighty whirlwind!

    or, you know, just a simple, "Good job, Mindy!" could suffice. *hehe*

    you've begun the journey with a small but necessary step. Now take another, and tell us all about it!

  11. Good job Mindy, on the jelly bean fling! I am the one who is not quite ready, but I do know that I need to do something...

  12. Have you tried squeezing a slice of lime into your water? It helps. I try to drink atleast a half gallon a day.

  13. Mom Gator, can I play at the office too? I know I don't work there, but I want to play too. I did not walk on the gazelle today, but I did walk over 10,000 steps in my Wal-Marts today, and I also drank 60oz of water. I usually drink 100 oz, but I ran out of bottled water, and I just refuse to drink A-town water. I also had three popsicles today. Wieght Watcher popsicles. They are one point a piece and they are REALLY good! You should get some. I will tell you about the tomorrow.

  14. Baby Gator, you are doing well to drink so much water! I find that even thought I know how good it is for me, I resist. Lemon is a great suggestion, as is lime.

  15. Oh writer.....I am SO going to use that as my next new heading on this blog!!

  16. I left a comment that didn't seem to make it. Let me try again...

    Even though my addiction is different, it's really all the same. Your posts and your journey are encouraging me. Thank you!

    Congrats on the jelly bean victory!!

  17. You *know* I wanna ask what flavor it was....

  18. And I am glad you checked out fitday. Also wanna mention, it is FREE and has some excellent features just as good or better than WW (my humble little opinion which does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of the management or other writers here) It is mostly the *free* factor that got me into it several years ago. My favorite part about it is how it will track your weight loss (or backsliding) in a graph or chart form. It's fun to watch the line go down!

  19. Of course, one needs a scale to keep track of weight loss, a scary thought.

  20. SB re scales ... actually the better 'test' is your trousers (do they feel more comfortable ... good! Get out the size smaller from under the bed and aim to let those feel comfortable too :)

    I find I jump on the scales about as often as I check my email /blog (blush)and it's a waste of time!!! if you can weigh yourself just once a week it's so so so much better.

  21. We will not be afraid of some metal thingy with numbers on it! If you must weigh, just go to your dr's office. Mine lets you come in and just weigh yourself. But I also agree with Lorna...just once a week.

    We are doing this together so nothing can scare us songbird!!

  22. Writer785:08 PM

    There is some kind of crystallized lemon power - I think it might be called True Lemon - that you can just sprinkle and mix into your water. I tried it, and though I'm not that into lemon water, it was just like squeezing in a lemon slice. (But mix it well, because otherwise it settles to the bottom, and then you get a rather tart surprise as you reach the bottom of the glass...)

  23. I admire your willpower. One trick that works for me is every time (alright, almost everytime) I go through the kitchen I get a glass of water. Doing that assures I get enough water and it helps keep me away from the snacks.

  24. Mindy, I'm jumpin' on the band wagon! I wish food didn't work so well as a coping mechanism...chocolate or chips alwys make me feel better. I even started fitday!


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