Tuesday, March 17, 2009

CAUSE Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW I AM WEIRD

Rachel and I had a talk the other day about scrapbookers and junior league soccer moms. The conversation actually started a couple of months ago when we were invited to a woman group pajama party at a church promising plenty of chocolate and pillow fights! ~sounds like some really bizarre porn does it not?~ The conversation that day ended with me telling her that, if I had not gotten divorced...I may just have BECOME one of those women.

I find my mind going back to that last sentence and wondering what if? What if the marriage had worked? What if I had gone to college right out of high school? What if I had turned left instead of right?

Would I be some drama teacher getting her students ready for UIL? Would I be that stay at home mom with the mini-van heading up the local chapter of the PTA? Would I have been a women of passion? A mover and a shaker?

Don't get me wrong, I love this life that I have. I have a sweet sweet life and I am totally aware of it. I am not sad or maudlin at all. I am not even looking for comments filled with praise and atta girls! My head knows that everything is alright. It really is alright.

I just feel like I woke up this morning and I am not really for sure who I am. Like someone jumped into my body while I slept last night. I am just curious as to who Mindy was originally supposed to be? Who could she have been along the way? Did I miss anything?

Maybe this is a fork in the road and I am about to leap into a great adventure.....

Then again, maybe this is just my brain working hard to close some chapters on a book that I was not really interested in anyway.

MINDY....who promises no scrapbooks or soccer moms were harmed during the posting of this blog....

16 comments:

  1. Hmm. My mind has been working along much the same lines lately. There seem to have been infinite paths I could have wandered onto. I like my life too, but I've been thinking a lot about choices I made and how they sent me down one road instead of another.

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  2. Mindy! I think that thought just about every day! What if's are kind of fun, but the best part is knowing that you are happy where you are.

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  3. When I read the Drama/UIL thing, I immediately thought of Ms. Veach...mmmmm.....and didn't want to read anymore....mmmmm.....and then wanted to share this with you......mmmmmmm......coz only you would understand and remember...mmmmmm.......

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  4. It must be the change in seasons. RIGHT THERE, I am. See it might be Yoda who woke up in my body. Seriously, I have really been taking stock and working things out in my brain.

    I think I need therapy - that sounded strange. In my brain indeed. Maybe we were separated at birth.

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  5. Your post reminds me of a Mary Engelbreit drawing where she shows a girl coming to a fork in the road. She starts down the path to the right and the one to the left says, "no longer an option". I think that reads true for you - it doesn't matter and it might have turned out poorly.

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  6. I'm right there with you. I am going through a lot, most of it unbloggable and I've been fighting the regret demons.

    However, I would love to be the pastor at your church. Church ladies in pajamas with pillow fights and chocolate, that's my kind of fellowship!

    Peace and love,

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  7. ~dying laughing at Jerry's comment, now that you explained it~

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  8. *grabs you by the shoulders and looks intensely in your pretty blue eyes*

    Listen real close now. Take a good long lookie right here. This is who you woulda been. Scrapbooks, PTbloodayA and all. This is it. Rite here.

    Your path was the best one.

    .....there but for the Grace O' God.

    Now go hug Bebo and BabyGator and have a lovely Green Beer for St. Paddy's day.

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  9. ah yes the whatifs and couldabeens... however they pale next to the whatsacomin's... this i know, for yes indeed the bible does tell me so.

    (okaaaay so apparently i may not need to head out for that St. Patty's drink if i'm rhyming my words already...)

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  10. I have a theory...I think it stems from one of your posts awhile back. Don't we all find ourselves wondering, at some point or other, what we would have been if we'd taken another turn. Only to realize that right here, right now is the destination we were always meant at which to arrive. Practically everyone we're in contact with today gets relegated to our past. Even our children grow up and leave us...and at some point in the future, our spouse or mate will be parted from us, with either their death or our own. Which puts us on yet another path, more choices. Don't think too much about it. I think it can get depressing.

    Gotta go and think about my life. But not for too long.

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  11. I often wonder where we would be if we things had turned out differently. Would I be me? Would Biker be present? Who would baby brother really be? Sometimes I get sad, thinking of things like this, and sometimes I let the feelings of what if run over me. But I also KNOW, that I would not trade who we are today for a second of who would have been. I love us and where we can from and who we are.

    We wouldn't be Gator's if not for our choices! I love you so much, and I am so thankful that you made the choices that you had to make, because we are such wonderful people because of it!

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  12. P.S. I just fired someone with the last name of Veach...could it be the same person???

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  13. I've often wondered the same things until one day Husband told me that I am who I am supposed to be, and that's the way he loves me.

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  14. I often wonder how I got to where I am today. I think of choices that I could have made but for some reason didn't or if I did ... I know God didn't make the poor choices for me but he sure did guide me out of them and lead me to where I am today.

    Don't think too long and hard ... it hurts your brain ;-)

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  15. Ok... you know I am not a soccer mom but I'm all the rest, lol. Well not the PTA but the "district level advisor whom it is most desirable to have ON your side instead of... not" according to an overheard conversation today... which I am going to have to blog because it was too good not too. So... I am the militant ninja Junior League mom instead of the nuclear scientist. And that is probably a good thing.

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  16. I tried the PTA mom thing and was far to rebellious and mouthy to get along well with the Junior League types. And the idea of a "retreat" being one with pillow fights and chocolate... I dunno. Is there another option? Because I'm living it, I think.

    :)
    Deb

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