He realized he had made a mistake.

He told me that he had made the biggest mistake of his entire life and, come hell or high water, he was going to fix it.

He had left wife #2 and was in the process of getting a divorce when he told me that. I told him no. He was not welcome anymore. He told me that he would do anything he could to assure me that he was telling me the truth and that he had learned his lesson.

He told me he would never ever hurt me again. He told me the only way he would ever leave me again was if he died.

I stood back and just watched him. That man moved mountains. He paid off my car. He provided above and beyond for babygator. He bought me things. He drove EVERY.SINGLE.WEEKEND from the Dallas area to little town to prove to me that he was sincere and had learned his lesson. He made that drive for over THREE YEARS.

He gained an confidante in my mom who saw that he loved me and was making amends in anyway possible.

I was awkward around him. Wary of him. A million phone calls later and we even took a vacation together as a family...with separate rooms. The man never complained.

And he wore me down.

In my mind I thought that there would be nothing in the world better than to raise my child in the family that she had been robbed of because of his infidelity. A child deserves to be raised with two parents. That was my mindset. I thought a family was a daddy, mommy and child.

Plus, I had never stopped loving the man.

So I chose to take babygator from the only stability that she had really ever known...life with me, my mom, dad and brother and move back to the Dallas area with the man. I chose to take her away from the people who did not have to make promises to her because they lived out their love to us each and every day. I chose to take back the man who had disrupted our little family. The man who had cheated on me. The man who worked so hard to win us back.

Life in little town was good. It was normal. Babygator had her grandparents who adored her. She was a regular at the coffee shop with my daddy who had stepped in to be the father figure in her life. She went to the coffee shop so much with him that, they taught her how to roll silverware and put her to work at age 4. You could ask her what she wanted to be then and she would tell you "a waitress".

It never entered my mind to just be friends with the man and co-raise our child together.

Instead, I remarried the man.

I am a very slow learner. Lawsy was I ever a slow learner.


  1. I don't know what to say. You seem all of this as a mistake, but it wasn't. If WE hadn't gone back then we wouldn't have baby brother. I could not imagine my life without MY baby brother!!!

  2. You know ... babygator makes a good point. It might not have been a great choice, but ... you have bebo.

    Besides, it sounds to me as if you put all the right boundaries in place (that anyone knew of at the time). Nobody would've thought about co-raising children as friends back then (you graduated two years behind me - I'm class of 79). You did the very best you could, and the results were mixed. Give yourself several stars for trying and not giving up!!

  3. BG is right... you did the best you could with what you knew...

  4. A favorite quote of mine is from Douglas Adams and seems quite appropriate here...

    I might not have gone where I intended to go but I think I ended up where I intended to be. --Douglas Adams

  5. Oh Honey - who knew? Who wouldn't have been worn down after 3 years. Hindsight is always 20-20 as they say.

  6. Take it from one who has ridden in a similar boat, a narcissist deprived is purt near impossible to resist. They.do.not.stop until they get what they're after. Then after they get it, they completely lose interest. Or worse.

  7. If you hadn't married him the second time, you might still be a Pink Lady...

    Wow. Makes ya think. :)

  8. Oh, you have such wise friends!

    I have nothing to add, except that I made terrible man-choices, too. Like a Danielle Steele novel. It was to surreal...

  9. well honey you tried... and sometimes that's all we can do. nothing to be ashamed of there... you tried. and you loved... and it was his big. fat. loss. hrmmph...
    *click click* (those would be my boots made for walking) heh heh... or your boots as it were.

  10. More..more..more

  11. I am glad baby gator has a baby brother that she loves!
    ANd we all make choices that lead to all things good and bad, and we learn. I can't imagine life w/out my nephew, yet his getting here to us was full of pain, mistrust, doubt, and anger. However, since he is here it is great.
    I have sent the answer to your questions. Hope it will come through this time. ")

  12. Yes, Mindy, take comfort in the knowledge that you did the best you knew how to do. And I am so glad you have survived...


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