IF I HAD A TIME MACHINE...

I would probably lose the keys to it.

26 years ago today, I got married for the first time. I was young, stupid and totally in love. You all know how that went. (Hell, you all know how that went twice!! ...at least I think you do...I have told you that story right??) However, I have been in such a funk that I cannot shake for some time now and realized this morning that fact may be part of my problem.


It makes me sad to realize that, chances are, I will never be married for that amount of time in my life. I felt the same way when I realized that I would never have anymore children. A bluesy mourning type of a feeling. I loved being pregnant, giving birth (*snorts* good birthing hips) and raising babies. When I realized that was no longer in the cards for me, it sent me into a tail spin.

*grins* I am over that now.

But the couple thing. That is grating on my last nerve. I have measured time by how long I have been divorced or how long I would have been married. I have also come to realize that I have totally distanced myself from couple situations. Situations that I have loved in the past. Situations where couples have welcomed me with open arms and have worked hard at including me!

I had a panic attack at a school meeting the other night when there were only couples present and two couples went out of their way to exclude me. Or I felt like they had. I freaked and went to the CRV and sat until Bebo was ready to go home. That freaked my mom out because she knows that the real Mindy would have not been phased over that at all and would have simply made a place for myself.

Wanna know something even weirder? I am not sad that I am divorced from the ex. It is the best thing in the world that could have happened to me and to my children. I shudder to think of who I or they would have been if we had continued to live there. So PLEASE do not tell me you are sorry because I am not sorry that we divorced.

I talked to Ester about it this morning and she ordered me to get a different spin on it all. A new way to mark time. She thinks it is best that I not mark time by the wedding or the divorce. She told me to ask all of you to help me get a new clock...a new way to tell time. I am a bit off kilter and need someone to re-set my clock. *grins* I need something because I am really tired of this pity party. I need to hire a different band or caterer or something!

Tick Tock! Tell me how to do that!!

Comments

  1. find happy moments to mark time. graduating from college is a huge one for anyone that put themselves through school with two kids in tow. you have done amazing things. you raised a daughter that got her MBA, and a son who i don't know very well, but i'm sure he is as wonderful as your daughter. anyone who can accomplish the raising of two kids as a single mom deserves a medal, but one who can raise two kids who turned out so well should not only receive a medal but also a trophy. i am always in awe of single moms. good job.

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  2. When did you meet the cows for the first time? That may be a good marker.

    Off the top of my head that's all I've got.

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  3. How about counting from the time you started blogging?

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  4. Mindy, I know first hand that marriage can suck - BIG. And divorce can suck - BIG. But it's not who you're with OR who you're without that defines who you are. You do! And if you're willing to take a chance now and then, chances are you will find happiness and companionship, and peace of mind.

    As for not having anymore children. I can offer you no sympathy there. I always wanted one. I got one. And I've NEVER had any regrets or second thoughts.

    And maybe you can mark 'your time' by things you have a personal interest in. Oh, like say, the day you found your first gray hair. Or the day you discovered dye doesn't really cover it up. Or the day you realized that you're not immune to gravitational pull. Or that, just in your case, chocolate really is a food source. LOL.

    I tease you because I like you very much. I think you're a wonderful person. A woman ahead of her time. And the day will come when that someone special will know it too.

    Hugs & Kisses!!!!!

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  5. you could mark time by the first time you read my blog....
    ok maybe not.
    I honestly don't know how to mark time other than job starts... outside of marriages and divorces.
    Yay for you for getting divorced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like the best thing!

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  6. How about from when you started working at your current job? You're happy there, and you've distinguished yourself by qualifying for it and being good at it.

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  7. *sniffle*... I count time by the last time I saw the Princess Herself at my house.
    *sniff sniff*

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  8. From tomorrow!

    From now on, I shall decree that every September 6 is Princess Mindy the Wonderful Day!

    We will all have swaps and parties and send you nice panties (too personal? Something else you might like?)

    whaddathink?

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  9. Anonymous4:03 PM

    By when you were born, your children were born, when you were born again, when your children were born again...and then we die! Really girl...you measure time by the tic-tocs of each day...enjoy!!!

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  10. Hi Mindy,

    I have been sitting here trying to think of something really deep and meaningful to say, but all of it sounds ridiculous!

    Really, just enjoy your life and be content in what you have. You seem like such a nice lady and you have so much to offer to the people in your life. Mark the time by what you give to others and maybe by how many times you smile in a day. Who could ask for more than that?

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  11. He was an idiot, and he makes me want to spit...in fact ~spit!~ there I did it. I don't know what to tell you about resetting your clock...we are both in that funk right now. Mine isn't about clocks its just in general, but anywho...if I can help in any way shape or form then let me know. As for the children thing, I can take care of that for you...I think Biker will be really surprised...but hey we will let him know in due time.

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  12. A short, convoluted story:

    I'm a big user/supporter of paperbackswap.com. Today I got a "thank you" message from a woman named "Mindy". I told her she was welcome and also typed "nanoo nanoo". She told me how many thousand times she'd heard Mork and Mindy jokes so I googled "Mindy" and send her links to cool websites owned by people named "Mindy". One of the sites I sent her was this one. Your blog I mean, and yes, that also means I think your blog is cool. Why? Because you're articulate, which is very unfashionable (not to mention increasingly rare and unusual) and you come across as a real person (someone worth knowing).

    All of which is beside the point. I'm writing to tell you that it doesn't make the least bit of difference how old you are or how many times you've been married. You get better at it every time, if you're lucky, and if you aren't that's all the more reason to try and get it right one more time. I may eventually give up on marriage (though I doubt it) but I'll never give up on love.

    Life is good,
    Love is wonderful.

    May you enjoy the best of love, luck and happiness.

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  13. Don't let that ole ex steal your reference point. Enough of that now.

    What are those moments in your life that are now and will always be happy? Big or little. That's where you put the flags. And then put the last flag on today. Because today is what we got.

    ((((((Mindy))))))

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  14. I'm also trying to come up with some meaningful words of wisdom but I think everyone else has already said it better than I can.
    All I know is that sometimes I have to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

    {{{hug}}}

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  15. Soooo what have you done with yourself in those 26 years. Plenty! You have so many successes to remember. What do you want to do with the next 26? Maybe looking ahead would help.

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  16. How about celebrating the BEGINNING of this chapter? Like the day you began your blog... :)

    d

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