There Are Always Rules

There are always rules in anything that we do. Rules can be spoken or upspoken. They can be obeyed or disobeyed. When it comes to parades, the number one rules is that the horses ALWAYS go at the end. The marching band just does not appreciate high stepping through horse doo. Number two rule is HANG on. The man driving the dual cab pick-up, the semi-truck or tractor cannot usually see the children that he is hauling around and you just do know know when one of the red hat ladies are going to come to a screeching halt on the golf cart ahead of you. #3 Sunscreen. You will be in that parade a hell of a long time which leads us to #4 Go to the bathroom before getting onto your float.

Other rules are not so simple and they are learned along the way.

After the first year of Bebo riding on a fire truck in the parade, we learned that one does not fling hard candy or suckers. They explode upon contact and you are left with a wrapper of glass candy shards. ~grins~ That was also the year we learned about the sunscreen.

The parade in Clarendon has always been at 2:00 in the afternoon except for one time about 2 years ago. That year it was at 10:00 in the morning and it was so very enjoyable! It was a nice cool temp and a light breeze. But the powers that be (anyone about the age of 65) were not please with that AT ALL because it had *just not ever been done like that*. So, we are back to a parade on July 4th at 2:00 in the afternoon. Then everyone uses waterproof sunscreen cause they are sweating so much.

Did I mention that Clarendon has brick streets?

A few years ago, the parade was smack dab in the middle of one of the hottest summers on record. It was miserable but we all lined up like good patriots to watch the parade go by. Our parade is always led by 2 men on horse back carrying the flags ( the only time that the *rule* is set aside). That is a time when I always feel my heart in my throat. Then follows the fire department (and Bebo), the local law enforcement, ambulances, boy and girl scouts, VBS floats, the parade queen and so on and so forth. You could tell that even the riders in the parade were fading fast due to the heat. Then, the football team comes by on a flat bed trailer and what are they doing? They all have super dooper water guns and begin the spray the crowd!! A collective sigh rises up from the crowd as the first drops hit the bystanders. RELIEF! Sweet precious relief! The crowd moves even closer to be squirted by those brave wonderful boys and their sent by God waterguns! Following close behind is the cheerleaders. Ultra peppy! They are also riding in a flat bed trailer and this one has a big old stock tank on it. MORE WATER the crowd thinks all of the same time. The cheerleaders arms reach into that stock tank all at the same time....the crowd moves forward thinking that they are about to receive another watery prize and....well....they did.

Have you ever been in a crowd and everyone comes to the same conclusion at the same time without anyone saying a word???

The smiles from the parade goers began to turn into screams of horror as they watched the first ice cold bottle of water bounce of the head of someone in the crowd. The people could not get back onto the sidewalk fast enough. Great idea.....poor execution.

Now the cheerleaders walk along side of the moving stock tank and meekly hand out bottles of water.

Bebo and I went to see Baby Gator and FSIL and attend the parade in the town without a frown this past weekend. Small town parades are the same everywhere and this was no exception until we got to the flinging part. These people began to fling ice pops to the crowd. Frozen ice pops. Ice pops are flavored sugar syrup that is frozen in long thin strips of plastic. The water bottles could be described as small bombs. The frozen ice pops? Frozen missles of death. I kid you not! They could have put an eye out! The only thing worse that was flung? Ice pops that had not been frozen. #1 people who throw those would be the same people that give out raisins at halloween and #2 they explode their syrupy contents upon impact. Less fun than getting your eye poked out is sticking to everyone else in the crowd.

We have already started to plan out what Bebo will throw to the parade crowd next year.


  1. lol.......missles......bombs?????????? i do not remeber any thing like that goin on!!!!!!

  2. um, clean panties?

  3. Oh ppb...that made me laugh! were in the parade and missed it all!

  4. Umm, you live so far back in the woods that it is just now the 4th of July?

    (Or did I miss a major parade holiday?)

  5. Was it National Panties Day?

  6. LOL funny!

    And Annie's comment, too.

  7. No annie...Clarendon's parade is always on the 4th of July.

    Town without a frowns parade was just last weekend. I do not know why they do it in August.

    The panties idea is looking better. Just think about how your could sling shot those things into the crowd!

  8. They do it in August because there is nothing the hell else going on in August and that is just what small towns *do*. They have parades. I am waiting for our "Rain rain go the hell away" parade because even though we've spent the last several YEARS in a MAJOR drought, I am ready to slap momma nature upside the head right now. Her little "Be careful what you ask for" mantra is getting way old.

  9. You are more than likely right on so many different levels flutterby.

    I tried to post pics of what Bebo threw yesterday and again the morning but blogger appears to be pms'ing.

    He threw bubble gum, mardi gra beads and little yellow rubber ducks.

  10. I think you should roll up a few condoms and a pamplet entitled "What Yo Backwater Fundamentalist Mama Ain't Told You 'bout Birth Control" inside the panties, tape 'em up real good and lob 'em at the general public.

    (Perhaps you shouldn't tell Bebo what is inside the panty-wads. He might not want to throw them.)

  11. Clown wigs and big red noses.

  12. eerrmmm....Flutterby....NO

    ~whispers~ tacky butt

  13. THATS IT!!!!!!!! thats wat i will throw at next years parade.....and save most of them till i get to the princess!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. OMG, I laughed so hard! All the parades around here are the same!!! Ours is in August because it was for Town without a Frown Days. Which is the celebration of when Town without a Frown was established. it was fun. I think FSIL had fun and he really enjoyed Bebo riding with him

  15. Beads! Throw wonderful beads!

  16. This is late in the comments thread ... but here's a story.

    I've marched in a parade ... behind ...

    the Budweiser Clydesdales.

    As a musician!!!

    It was not pretty. LOL, but I managed to stay clean.

  17. Oh No Abhantiarna! That is awful!

    See...there needs to be a parade etiquette book!

  18. I could just see it! That was laugh-out-loud funny!


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