I Have a Shy Bladder or Sister Can You Spare a Dollar For Commissary

Just my rant for today....I promise I will be in a better mood tomorrow. If not, ya'll can get Rach to buy me ice cream.

I went to Court today on a revocation hearing today. The young woman that I supervise is 21 years old. She is in perfect health. She has been on probation for one year. Ask me how much probation she has done during that time? None. Nothing. Nada. She has not worked one hour at a job. She has not done one hour of GED. She has not done one hour of community service. She has not paid one penny towards her probation. Both her attorney and the State's attorney asked her many questions. Her answer to each and every question asked to her was *I did not have transportation.*. That got me to thinking about what I would be willing to do in order to keep my freedom. I would do ALOT trust me!!! This is what I know about Mindy and her freedom:

1. I cannot go to the bathroom in front of other people. I know that is graphic but sorry...tis true. I would be so constipated if I was to go to prison for 2 years....That is a lot of holding in.

2. I love to get into my car and drive to anywhere that I want when ever I want.

3. I love to go to work and make money. Money is a good thing.

4. I love Sonic ice and diet coke. Even more than that, I love taking the money that I have earned, getting into my car and driving to the Sonic for a diet coke when ever I want.

5. I love my remote control for the TV set. I like being able to flick through the channels when ever I want. I do not want to share my remote with other women. Women that might not want to watch the cooking channel.

6. I love when people play nice. It is hard for very large groups of women to play nice. Especially if they have ever murdered someone.

7. I love picking out my own clothes. I look REALLY BAD in an orange jump suit.

8. Did I mention that I cannot use the restroom in front of other people?

There are 8 really good reasons as to why I would guard my freedom very closely and do what ever was told to me to keep that freedom!! Even if it meant walking everywhere that I had to go to.

Anyway, the Judge was not impressed with my girl at all. He revoked her and sent her to prison for two years. She was sent over to get fingerprinted and that is when I first heard it *sniffle sob sob sniffle*. She is then instructed to sit in the pew until the next person's case is finished. *Sob Sob Sniffle Sob....Oh My GOD Sob Sob Sniffle* The Judge tries to talk over her but is quickly drowned out. He instructs the Bailiff to remove her from the Courtroom. As she is being led out we hear *SOB SOB OH MY SOB SNIFFLE I CANNOT SOB SNIFFLE GO TO PRISON SOB *. Out the door she was led. We could still hear her while she was out in the hall. I think that I would have reacted in much the same was if I were being sent to prison. The only think that I would have done differently, OTHER THAN ACTUALLY DOING PROBATION AND NOT BEING BEFORE THE JUDGE, would be to crumple to a heap in the floor and wrapped my arms around the poor Bailiff's ankles. That man would have earned his money that day! *Step Drag Step Drag*.

Moral of the story: Freedom is just another word for getting to wear your own panties.


  1. I know what you mean....I love just choosing which panties I am going to wear.

    Note: It's wonderful to hear these real life stories first hand!

  2. Oh. My. Gosh.

    That was great! I have smeared mascara all over everywhere from laughing 'til I cried!

    I can only imagine what a horrible nightmare women's prison must be. Its gotta be worse than guy prison.

  3. eh, I think I would have at least TRIED to....
    I have a shy bladder, as well.

  4. Oh Mindy! This was perfection!

    You and Rach keep us in stitches, but honestly it must be a frustrating job at times. I guess we all have frustrations, just different kinds.

  5. I know that I would need my control top panties if I had to wear a jump suit.....another reason to stay on the straight and narrow.

  6. Very funny. As a psych chaplain I find it extremely important to find the humor in situations like this to keep from throwing in the towel. Sounds like you've got the survival skills for a tough job. You made me laugh.

  7. Wait, now I can understand that criminals lose the right to drink Diet Coke, drive, choose their clothes, watch TV at will, etc.

    ....but the underwear choices are gone too?

    Given that I've seen WAY TOO MUCH of various college women's underwear this year (get your mind out of the gutter---it's because they insist on letting it hang out from under their clothes, in complete defiance of the idea that UNDERWEAR is UNDER what you WEAR, this is indeed food for thought. I think that I could scare some of these girls straight if they understood that prison means granny panties up to your armpits with very unsightly panty lines.

    Food for thought.

    This was a hilarious post.

  8. No ppb...no fluff and fold service in prison....

  9. State-issued undies? Relieving myself with company? That's it! I'm going straight (so to speak)!


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