FREDRICKS OF PLAINVIEW

I recently won another gift certificate on the radio. This one was to a lingerie store that stocks things from good old fashioned study undergarments (think Jane Russell) to eerrmm....items that you would kind at a bachelorette party (think Madonna in her younger years). Now I have never been to a bachelorette party but I imagine that it would be difficult for me to eat a cupcake shaped like a who ha. I mean really! How does one keep the who ha shaped cake from tipping over in the oven? *PONDERS the who ha question* Now what was it I was talking about???

Anyway, I took my gift certificate went to see what I could get for myself. Once I entered the store, I felt a bit like Alice In Wonderland. You have to remember...I am single and not seeing anyone. My evening attire consists of yoga pants and a great big blood donor T-shirt. I start looking through all these flimsy little things thinking *Dang, awfully expensive for something that is going to be worn for 6 minutes* when I heard him. I heard him loudly. His voice level was that of someone trying to talk to another person who is across the room at a party where music is blaring.

He an older black man (I would guess between 65-70). He was holding 2 different tubes of ~blink blink~ *male enhancement lube* that the store sells. He was telling the clerk (a woman that was in her 60's) how the lube in his right hand was JUST WONDERFUL and did the job REALLY well. He had bought that exact same tube of stuff just 2 weeks ago and he had already used it all up! Said he had gone through the whole tube in just no time! He had never tried the lube in his left hand and, while reading the ingredients, (Oh yes...he READ THE INGREDIENTS!!) noticed that it have aloe in it. He told her that he thought that the aloe would be a really nice touch in such a product but he would really have to have a sample before he would buy it. I am still at the rack holding all of the nighties but I am not looking at anything.....just flipping those hangers around and listening to the play in progress.

She told him that there were no samples.

He again, loudly told her that he would need a sample before he could spend his hard earned money on a product he had never before tested.

Again, she told him, WE HAVE NO SAMPLES.

~the song *YES, we have no bananas...we have no bananas TODAY~ starts spinning around in my head.

He requested a sample again !! She told him NO NO NO...there are no samples.

Then he asked if he could just go into the restroom and try it out.

ME *BLINK BLINK* ~furiously flicking through those nighties at the speed of light.

She declined.

He bought the lube he has been using and left.

The clerk turned her attention to me and asked if she could help me or would I like to go into the *back room*.

Me? I bought panties for pantipalooza.

I really have to get out more often.

Comments

  1. I think I just wet myself. Oh my goodness. You live a most interesting life. You sound just like one of the "Prairie Hens". You could so be one of my sisters!!

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  2. You are KILLING me!

    I laughed so hard that WonderGirl and BoyWonder stopped making out long enough to come check on me.

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  3. Oh god!!! I thought this story was funny when you told it, but now that you've written it down - HYSTERICAL!!!

    I think I busted a gut.

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  4. OMG! That is so stinking funny. And if that's what goes on in 'your' area, maybe it's better to stay home. LOL.

    Love, love, love the photo of BOB. Now everytime I see that commercial I will think of this story.

    BTW, thanks for visiting my blog and saying such nice things. I'll be sure to get your check out right away. LOL!!!!!!! ^0-0^

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  5. Your life is pretty exciting. I am envious.

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  6. What adventures you have, Mindy! Reminds me of my days in the sporting goods business, trying to sell athletic supporters to old farts who thought they were still young studs!

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  7. what is a who ha?

    Well, do we get to see the pictures of the panties?

    I think I would have gotten nervous with that man in there...whew...

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  8. This story was just as funny as when you called and told me. I love you so much and you get cuauht up in some of the craziest scenarios.

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  9. Now, sadly, I was wearing my "just a scosh too tight" jeans when I read this tale, young Mindy. The last clean pants that fit me today.

    Without going into unpleasant detail, let's just say that they now need laundering. Twice. And I'm praying that I have matching thread.

    OMG. This is just tooooo funny. This is proof that living in your town is just far more interesting than if a squadron of aliens landed in the middle of Los Angeles asking Mayor Villarigosa for matricular consular cards.

    You are the lightening rod for fun stories!

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  10. No freakin' way!!
    I can just see you flipping thru the racks at lightening speed!!!

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  11. :spews coffee giggling:
    I KNEW there was a reason I should procrastinate from doing my studying this morning...

    Deb
    :going to find wipes for cleaning off the computer screen:

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  12. ooooh can't stop laughing!

    you tell it so well as if I were there too :) (wish I had been -but my sniggering - snorting would have been heard for miles!)

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  13. and sniggering at cheese's comment too :)

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  14. I knew this would make a great post but the picture of Bob just sent it over the top, LOLOL. Any time someone tells me living in a small town is boring, they are getting the link to this post.

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  15. Maybe I'm just sheltered in my little preacher-boy world over here, but I didn't even know we had a store in town where you can purchase such items.

    ... and if that guy is using a whole tube of lube every couple of weeks, he needs to find a new hobby.

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  16. Oh dear Mindy, thank you for making me laugh today! I needed this. You have the most interesting experiences. Can I go shopping with you sometime?

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  17. Thanks for making me giggle today. I needed that.

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  18. help help help
    am at work
    door is open
    clients nearby
    must not laugh
    must not laugh
    must not laugh
    i'm dyin' here

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  19. thanks for the very much needed giggle!!

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  20. LOL! That is hysterical!

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