Tuesday, May 17, 2016

SEEING THE WORLD FROM THE PASSENGER SIDE

This time last week, I was on a plane coming home.  I had an amazing few days and nights in Washington and Oregon.  I had asked Kim to take her camera and laptop to the ocean so that I could take pics.  I also had an awesome idea about blogging to you beautiful peeps from the ocean.  I also took my colors and coloring books.  My idea was that it would be so relaxing to gaze out my window upon the ocean and color and blog.
But, I didn't.

Instead, I just......was. 

I spent those days walking up and down the beach at 6:30 in the morning looking for floats, collecting rocks and shells, putting my feet in the sand and water, drinking kombucha, eating good food, going over bridges that would normally scare the bejesus out of me, throwing pennies into the ocean for my grandkids, watching salmon swim upstream,  seeing mountains, damns, waterfalls and sleeping.

I finally slept.

Right now I am averaging 5-6 hours of sleep a night.  One day there I slept for a total of 10 hours in one day.

The nights at the ocean,  I slept with the sliding glass doors open listening to the crashing waves and the barking of the seals on a tiny little island a stones throw from the beach.

I spent 5 good days simply being a passenger. 
I went to the Pacific for the first time a little over one month after daddy passed away.  I had already planned the trip long before his passing.  I almost did not go.  My kids, brother and Kim insisted that I leave anyway.  I did and it was the best thing that could have happened to me.  That is my safe place.  I do not have an idea why.  I don't know if it is the ocean's pull or if it is about the farthest I can get away from my real life.  It's the place where I have no responsibilities other than not falling over into the water.  That doesn't sound all that big until you know that I do not know how to swim.

I do know it is the place that I run to in order to recharge and remember who Mindy is.  

Then, I come back.  
When Camille was a tiny girl little girl, she had some problems going on visitation with her bio-father. He had a wife that put bad ideas into her head.  Camille hated going and she dreaded being away from me.   She became very attached to a Dr. Seuss book called *Are You My Mother*.  In that book, the little bird hatches and starts looking for his mom. The mom has left the nest to go and look for food.  After the baby bird's adventure, he and the mom are reunited.   I would read the book to Camille and then I would reassure her with the words *I will always come back.*.    She would always answer *You always come back.*   
Through and through, I am a Texas girl.  I love it here.  I have toyed with the idea of moving there.  Circumstances (and not my kids) make that unfeasible.  DAMN being a responsible adult!    However, there is something that calls me back to the Pacific Northwest.  Something that feeds my soul.  It props me up and sends me back into the world.  For about a year now, I thought that I would never get to put my feet into that sand again.  Then the Universe opens up and  makes the unlikely the normal.   

That last morning, I built a cairn on the beach.  I told the ocean *I always come back*.  

I can't wait to hear it answer me.

 .....don't worry, I'll catch up on the weeks I missed!

6 comments:

  1. Maybe it's part of the being away from the normal that makes the ocean time so good. Maybe you wouldn't want to normalize the ocean time. It's nice to read what it does for you.

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  2. That is such a beautiful piece of writing. Truly.

    I hear ya on the responsible adult bit. We can dream, though.

    Just got your postcard today. You crack me up. I want to go there, too, Heidi. :D

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  3. We are so related! I find myself in such a happy place at the ocean. When we are getting close to the condos on arrival, my heart speeds up and I am almost giddy as I see the ocean get closer. I have told people that this year I may just run and jump in the surf with my traveling clothes on. We go on Saturday. And I'm bummed when I leave it. It refreshes my mind and restores my soul.

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  4. I love this! It brings me peace just hearing your story!

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  5. Anonymous7:12 AM

    She no longer wants to "Shank" anyone! Peace and calm look good on you. CT

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  6. I love the island with the seals! How close were you able to get to them? All of the pictures are beautiful. I can see why you want to go back.

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