Tuesday, February 19, 2013

52 Verbs Balance

 On Valentine's Day, I ran to Casseroles To Go (one of my FAVORITE places in Plainview) to pick some of us up some salads.  While there, my friend Janet looked at me and exclaimed *You look so healthy AND happy!*  I thought to myself.....yes.  Yes I am.  Especially the happy part.   Six little words that she never had to say....but dang they meant the world to me...especially knowing that someone can SEE it.  

I get home today and there is a box on my porch. I think...well that's odd... I don't remember ordering anything. Take it in to the kitchen and open it. Stand by the dining room table and take out the Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love and the cross stitch that says be* you* tiful.  The note says page 118 Jay at the desk.  Flip really fast to page 118.  I start laughing and crying all at the same time. Freak out the cats.  Di took the time to reach out and send me love.  She KNEW I would get it.  Di is someone that holds me up and prays for me....and I have seen a picture of my name on her prayer wall.  When she sent me that pic, I was humbled to my core.  She means business.

Look at the picture and you see all sorts of bits and pieces of love there.  Valentine's, flowers, a hand blown glass heart carefully picked and sent to me all the way from Washington, a new flying pig to add to my collection, a silver talisman from Amy that makes me feel strong and brave like she is holding my hand.  Everything in that picture reminds me that I am wanted, cared for, sought after, cherished, held on to...loved.  What is not pictured there is all of the words that are typed, texted and whispered (sometimes shouted ~laffin~) telling me the same thing....day after day.  I am loved.  It is pressed into my hands and my heart.  Beloved.

When my crazy world spins a little faster than normal and my axis begins to weave and bob...you reach out and gently right me and give me my balance again.  

My heart gets that crazy thumping feeling and I smile...and I wear you all like a blanket.  

I am happy.

Friday, February 08, 2013

Don't Lose This Recipe!

I found this recipe several months ago on pinterest.  It was from Tasty Nest's blog.  God bless Miss Tasty Nest.  For those of you that do not bake or would never try to make cinnamon rolls....you have GOT to take the time to make these.  For those of you that DO make cinnamon rolls, it will be hard to go back after you have these.  They are that easy and that GOOD.

I keep all of my ingredients for this recipe on hand.  There is ALWAYS butter in my house.  (now really, did that surprise you?) I have several pounds in the freezer.  I keep a bag of the Rhodes cinnamon rolls in the freezer.  Then there is generic great value pudding in the cabinet.  Not a lot of fancy ingredients to go buy or hunt for. 
Ingredients:  a 12 pack of Rhodes Cinnamon rolls (found in the freezer section) a box of vanilla pudding and 1 stick of butter. 

Put your frozen rolls into a 9x13 pan. 
Sprinkle all over with the unprepared dry pudding.  Kinda like powdering a baby's butt. 
Melt your butter and drizzle all of it all over your rolls.  Cover and put into your fridge overnight.  I use plastic wrap or foil.  I have never had a problem with them sticking. I have actually made these in the morning, put into the fridge and then cooked them that same night.  So look at an 8 hour nap time for those rolls.
The next morning, set your over to 350 to pre-heat and take your rolls out.  Remove what ever you covered them with. The original recipe says to let them thaw at least 30 minutes before cooking.  I have found that is not necessary. Trust me...these puppies will TOTALLY rise when you put them into the oven!  Bake for 15-20 minutes.  You will know they are ready when they are a beautiful golden brown color. And the smell!  mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Immediately ice with the two icing packets that came frozen in the bag.  You can also add other things like pecans.  mmmmmmmm pecans. If you want more icing, be my guest!  A little milk, powdered sugar and vanilla and TA DA even more icing.

I have halved the recipe at times.  Just use 6 of the frozen cinnamon rolls (the bag has a handy dandy zip lock on the top!) half a stick of butter, half a box of pudding and one of the frozen icings.  

People LOVE this.  After raving you will say...would you like the recipe?  They are all like *oh no! I could never make cinnamon rolls like this.  Mine would not take this good and there is too much work involved.*  They are always surprised to find out how easy this recipe is. 

You knew there was a reason to keep me around.

....you had me at butter.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

52 Verbs--Permit, Admit and Renewal

I have had three major relationships in my life.  The first was with my my high school sweetheart.   I was young, dumb and had just graduated from high school.  I thought that I knew everything that there was to know about life.  I married him the month that I should have started to college.  I went from a warm cocoon of a family to a survival of the fittest kind of a situation.  I was there when his affair began.  She was a senior in high school and was married.  They lived behind my sister and brother in law's house and all three couples did things together.  It was at square dancing lessons

I am going to give you a minute to compose yourself.  

Really....stop laughing.

that I realized that they were always pairing up.  Then I saw them kiss.  She even told me that she loved him.  I would not leave.  I had no point of reference for leaving.  My parents and all of my relatives had always been married to the same person.  So leaving was not an option to me.  Instead, I permitted him to treat me badly. 

So...he left me at my parents home.  ~laffin~  I guess he thought that I could not find my way home.

We got a divorce.  He got a new wife and baby.  I got bitter.  

I was not a happy person and it showed.  I had a dead end job in a tiny little town. Raising my beautiful daughter with no sign of love in sight.

Then he came back.  All sugar and sweet.  Paid off my car.  Loved his daughter like he should.  Told me what a horrible mistake he had made and he worked at regaining my trust.  Oh how he worked at it.  For years he worked at it.  I permitted him back in. 

Loaded up the U-Haul and the daughter that did not WANT to be loaded up and off we went!  The happy family back together.  Eventually along came a son.  That exploded into knowing about the another girlfriend and her pregnancy.  I must admit he really learned how to do that better.  I did not begin to suspect until the end.  So now I have a newborn baby, a 10 year old daughter, town without family and not enough job skills to get a good enough job to even pay my rent.  I told him I would take him back.  I again permitted the behavior.  He did not come back.  Thank God for unanswered prayers.

I went back *home* and waited for him to jump on his white horse and save me.  That poor little girl was so clueless.  Eventually the scales began to fall from my eyes and I saw the whole thing for what it was.  I begin to realize my value thanks to some wonderful women who drug me along when I could not seem to put one foot in front of the other.

I admitted to myself he was not coming back.  I admitted to myself that something in ME had to change.  I raised my babies....went back to college...got a career.  I moved forward.  I let go of the bitterness.   If that divorce did nothing else but help me to get release that bitterness, it was totally worth it.  I became happy.

Flash forward 20 years.  I entered in to a relationship that I never ever dreamed that I would get into.  I was in love.  I would say even deeper than the first two times.  I slipped back into some old patterns and chose to believe the words over the actions.  Want to woo me?  Give me beautiful words. Make me prpromises I want to hear.  Tap into my insecurities of being alone and assure me that you will always be there.   I permitted them even thougt there began to be no follow through with the words.  I eventually woke up and took my life back.  Words woo me....but damn....actions will keep me or lose me.

Boundaries that you set yourself can be such good and healthy but can hurt.    You know it is for the best but it is like carving words into your arms and watching yourself bleed.  

Then you decide that you that the blood is not so bad if it will eventually lead to the healing.

Then my friends intervened and held on to me.  My life coach pushed me out of the nest.

 I flew.  

Renew- to make like new : restore to freshness, vigor, or perfection.  

That is what I am doing.  That is what others are helping me to do. I am working on my bucket list. I am creating, remodeling and planning to travel.  I am taking risks and living my own life.

I have gone from a scared little girl watching her husband kiss a married woman from across a dance floor to a woman who is truly happy with her life.  

I would not have changed a thing.  All of the relationships taught me something.  Especially my last one.  I will forever be grateful.  

I can honestly tell you that I am happier right now than any other time in my life.  I am hungry for what is coming.  I am excited.  I feel sparkly on the inside. 

I am one of the lucky ones.

 ....~singing~  I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.