A TAIL OF TWO MINDYS

I used to work really hard at blending into the background and trying to be normal.  Honestly, I have always thought that there was something wrong with me. (Hell, I STILL think that there is something wrong with me....I just don't care if other people think that anymore). I was scared all the time and wanted to be invisible.   I think that is why I liked speech and drama so much....I could leave those feelings behind and pretend to be someone else.  So, it was really weird when, while pregnant with Cade, I decided to grow a tail.  I was going to a really cool hairdresser and he was all for it.  The ex hated it.  Looking back now, I find that really odd because it had just started.  It had no length.  Regardless, it stayed.

Turns out the tail stayed around a whole lot longer than the ex ever did. 

 People either really like my tail or they hate it.  I have had perfect strangers approach me and give me their unasked opinion on it.  For the most part, it is good.  They tell me a story about someone they loved that had a tail back in the day.  Kind of like when I mention Camille's name.  You really don't hear that name much.  People have very sweet stories about Camilles that have been in their lives. 

People have also told me that my tail is one of the reasons that I am single.  I have been told that, if I would just cut it off, people would be interested in me.  I am not too sure in how interested I would be in someone that would be that fickle. 

I have also caught people taking covert pics of it.  That is when I stopped looking at the people of Wal Mart site.

At first, it was a bit of a symbol of rebellion.  More to myself than to the world.  I think that my tail actually helped me be brave when I really was not.  It got my foot in the door when I did not even want to open the door. 

In the past, I have had fleeting thoughts of cutting it off.  I never did.  I just couldn't because it was Mindy.  While chasing my dream of being a doula, I try to imagine myself ACTUALLY in a birthing situation.  Every time I do, there is my tail. 

Over the last few years, I got into a habit of pinning it up when I got too hot.  That has been a whole lot during the hot flashes.  The thought of getting rid of it has played around at the corner of my mind but I just couldn't.  It has become a security blanket of sorts.  Even though I myself cannot see it.  I was afraid that, if I lost my tail, I would become normal.  ~shudders~

But back in November, I began to change and grow in a different direction.  Things have changed a lot for me and I feel like I am coming out of my cocoon.  Maybe that should be....coming out of my cocoon AGAIN.  I seem to have done that several different times in my life.  It has not been an easy journey for me.  I seem to have fought it a lot even though it was something I wanted.  I clung to the old because that was security to me.

Tuesday...... this happened. 

 
I do not need the security blanket anymore.  I am perfectly fine with Mindy.  More than any other time in my life.  My hair was not my ticket to being different and quirky.  That is so deep inside of me that I do not think that I could ever use it.   Losing my tail did not make me normal.  It is just different.  My tail served me well. 

I thought I would be more upset than I was when it was finally caught up.  It was really kind of liberating.  It felt like I was letting go and getting prepared to do something different. 

Wanna know something funny?  I have been around several of my friends and I HAVE HAD TO TELL THEM THAT IT IS GONE.  Tells you that people where not as focused on my tail as I thought that they were. 

Currently, it is living in my purse.  I know!  I KNOW!  Creepy.  LOL I can't just throw it away but I have no idea what do to with it.  Tiny lock of love for a troll doll?  Maybe I can put it in that box of garage sale teeth that I have in the drawer.