DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

Going back to the story....

For 30 days after bebo was born, the ex was restless. He said he was having a hard time with the birthday coming up. Kinda like a middle age crazy but he was turning 30. Work was slow so he got a call asking him to go on the road for a few weeks. We both thought that was a good idea. It would give him time on the road to clear out his head and get his act together.

So 30 days to the day that bebo was born, ex packed his bag and went on the road. He actually moved out and into his girlfriend's home. He really was not on the road.

For the next 30 days we talked on the phone and he told me all the things I had done wrong. He told me that I was ugly and stupid and fat and no other man could ever possibly love me. I believed him. He gave me an actual LIST of the things he did not like about me and our home. I tell you that in all honesty...a list. The Mindy you know now is not the Mindy that was then. That Mindy did not have anything higher than a high school education. She had a 10 year old child and a newborn at home. She had a new vehicle in the drive and a house rent and she could not pay either with what she was earning....which was $0. So what did that Mindy do? She fixed EVERY.LAST.THING.ON.THAT.DAMNED.LIST.

Oh yes Ma'am she did. And then she gave it back to him.

I went from weighing 199 pounds on the day I went in to have bebo to 135 three months later.

I cried and fixed that list.

I remember very very little about that time. It was a dark time and maybe it is better that I do not remember it all.

I remember that is when I stopped listening to country music. To this day, most of it still makes me cry and I cannot stand it.

So after the list was given back to him he conceded that it was a little more to the story and that he was working on his end and would be back to the family soon.

Then I got the phone call. The phone call that told me where he was living and who he was living with and that she was his girlfriend.

Later we found out that her mom was the one that placed the phone call and girlfriend was right there. I guess she got tired of waiting for him to make up his mind too.

That was the day I remember. That was the day that the last little bit of the rug was ripped out from under me and my world went black and I fell and fell and fell.

I called my parents who were about 6 hours away. They called on of my friends who came to be with me until they could get there. I could not function. I was in shock.

I realize now that a lot of what happened lead to some major postpartum depression.

My parents got there and saw what condition I was in. They made the decision to take me and the kids home with them until I could function. They loaded us up and away we went. My daddy drove. Babygator and bebo were in the front with him. My mom and I were in the back. My mother is not a touchy feely person at all. She held on to me the entire way home because I told her that I was just going to float away if someone did not. She held onto me so I did not disappear. They got me home and let me re-group.

A few weeks later, he came and told babygator how sorry he was and that me made a huge mistake and was working on fixing it. He told her that he was going to make us a family again and to not give up on him. That made her so happy because she loved her daddy. He and I talked and he was assured that I could get past the affair and work at us being a family.

Three days later I was served with divorce papers. You see, girlfriend was pregnant. He had never intended on making anything right. Babygator was beyond hurt and stopped speaking to him. They have not spoken again or have had anything to do with one another since that day.

We went from mega checks and me buying anything I wanted to HUD and food stamps.

Yes dear readers....I was on food stamps for three years. Three years of buying groceries and everyone staring at me when I checked out.

And I went to college.....


....who keeps her Lone Star Card in her desk drawer to remember where she came from....