AN OPEN LETTER TO FEDEX
Dear FedEx,
I placed an order for two gargantuan bras from Lane Bryant last Wednesday. I am sorry to have to admit this but I am down to only one bra. We matronly busted girls tend to hate to fork over the large sums that are required for bras of such massive construction. I have dutifully followed their travels with the handy little tracking system that you have on your site. It is so nifty and I would like to take this time to thank you so much it.
I was fine with having to wait a bit for my order until yesterday FedEx. Yesterday the unthinkable happened. Yesterday the under wire on my left side sprang to life and decided to run away. Not knowing WHY that is a big deal FedEx is a blessing. Just take my word on that.
So I began in earnest to track the progress of my brassieres. Did you know FedEx that they have now been in Dallas for two days? TWO WHOLE DAYS? Are they catching a Dallas Stars game FedEx? Gone to Six Flags? Or ARE THEY BEING TEST DRIVEN?!?!?!?
Is that it FedEx? Are my bras being worn by a big burly FedEx driver??? Maybe as ear muffs to keep his LARGE ears warm? Maybe as a cute lacy hat that sits upon his GREAT BIG BALD HEAD? Or maybe he's just as a man who has a penchants towards women's undergarments???
You have 2 more days to get them here FedEx or there is going to be a throw down. With me having a wobbly left tata, it shan't be pretty.
I placed an order for two gargantuan bras from Lane Bryant last Wednesday. I am sorry to have to admit this but I am down to only one bra. We matronly busted girls tend to hate to fork over the large sums that are required for bras of such massive construction. I have dutifully followed their travels with the handy little tracking system that you have on your site. It is so nifty and I would like to take this time to thank you so much it.
I was fine with having to wait a bit for my order until yesterday FedEx. Yesterday the unthinkable happened. Yesterday the under wire on my left side sprang to life and decided to run away. Not knowing WHY that is a big deal FedEx is a blessing. Just take my word on that.
So I began in earnest to track the progress of my brassieres. Did you know FedEx that they have now been in Dallas for two days? TWO WHOLE DAYS? Are they catching a Dallas Stars game FedEx? Gone to Six Flags? Or ARE THEY BEING TEST DRIVEN?!?!?!?
Is that it FedEx? Are my bras being worn by a big burly FedEx driver??? Maybe as ear muffs to keep his LARGE ears warm? Maybe as a cute lacy hat that sits upon his GREAT BIG BALD HEAD? Or maybe he's just as a man who has a penchants towards women's undergarments???
You have 2 more days to get them here FedEx or there is going to be a throw down. With me having a wobbly left tata, it shan't be pretty.
*bangs head on desk* haaaaaa!
ReplyDeleteRach...if you had one of my bras to protect your head on your desk, it would be like an air bag. fo shizzle!
ReplyDeleteyo, dogg! I'm just laughing because evertime I walk past your door you give me the Where's Waldo update of Women's Undergarments. It's like trying to keep track of Santa on Christmas eve...
ReplyDeleteDo you remember how the weather guy used to do that on tv??
ReplyDeleteOMG! What if they are being test driven? Seriously what would you do?
ReplyDeleteI am miserable without a bra! Miserable. I swear when they are loose, my skin feels like its being stretched like leather so I always keep one in reserve.
Good luck to Mr. FedEx Man where ever he is.
HA! This makes me laugh. Let us pray that the Fed Ex man makes it there quickly.
ReplyDeleteDijea..I am wearing the bra. It is just got full coverage underwire on one side.
ReplyDeleteTrust me girl, if I was not wearing it...I could NOT come to work.
Yes Lynn....let's. This is a matter of importance!
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my blog!
Lol, it wouldn't be just a head warmer it would also be a chin warmer too, if he would strap is all the way around. Twice the warmth, is all I am saying.
ReplyDeleteAs big as they are gator...I am sure he could wrap them around his head at LEAST 2 times.
ReplyDeleteI could have gone to Dallas and gotten them at this point!!
Heck, I'm down to two gargantuan bras, too.
ReplyDeleteI like the Glamorise. Industrial strength bra.
Where do you get those Rev Mommy?
ReplyDeleteOh gosh... you despaately need to come visit me again so we can go to the Hanes outlet... those Vanity Fair bras that cost upwards of $40 and more? $20 and less. And yes, that includes industrial supersized ones. Other brands too. You could stock up for years on what I know you paid for those Lane Bryant ones...
ReplyDeleteHee hee! But I sympathize. I hope they come tomorrow--otherwise you'll have to wait until Friday!
ReplyDeleteHope everything gets battened down soon!
ReplyDeleteNot TEST driven, they're being BREAST driven......
ReplyDeleteThe FedEx driver is probably a young Jayne Mansfield look alike who is trying out your order before placing her own. Or......even scarier......his.
I hope the darn things make it in before Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteAAAAAAAAAAAAABAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAA!! That is a good one. I remember that whole business well.
ReplyDelete(pre surgery) :o)
I dare you to send it to them!
You had me at gargantuan...
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! I have a wire just slightly sticking into the side of me right now, but have I done anything? NO. Because the gargantuan bra is difficult to find for less than around $40 each. So we put up with minor pain, until we can't take it any more (after reading this, I am almost there...) I'm a Lane Bryant girl all the way. So sorry.
ReplyDeletePlus, I tagged you on my blog.
So, did they arrive?
ReplyDeleteAfter you're done with them do you donate them to the circus for a tent?
ReplyDeleteHope all ends well!!
I just can't help but wonder if they got there. It reminds me of a song that Bette Middler sang (maybe in Beaches, but I can't remember). It was about the first bra, but somewhere in there she called it an "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder" and I have never forgotten it.
ReplyDeleteNEWSFLASH for those who just really need to know: YES! Mindy DID receive her new bras so she is no longer in danger of flashing anyone accidentally... or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThanks Flutterby, I was just coming to see if her titty-bloomers had arrived! That must mean she is out shopping today? Mindy, I am so glad you got yourself supported and stabilized!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the joke about religious bras:
What religion is your BRA?
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
CATHOLIC: SUPPORTS THE MASSES
THE SALVATION ARMY: LIFTS THE FALLEN
THE PRESBYTERIAN: KEEPS THEM STAUNCH AND UPRIGHT
BAPTIST: MAKES MOUNTAINS OUT OF MOLE HILLS
Wow, Mindy. I hope your support system is in place by now.
ReplyDeleteOh wow. Do keep us posted on the status of the FedEx Cup! Ha! I made a funny. Get it? Cup??? I crack me up.
ReplyDeleteAh hahahahahahahahahahaah!
ReplyDeleteI hope your bras arrive soon, I really truely do. I sympathize. Snort! Ha!Just sign me,
Another with large tatas
Hadn't dropped by for a read in a while. Thanks for the laughs. Did they come?
ReplyDeleteHi, Mindy.
ReplyDeleteYes, unfortunately, I do know of such things! Hope you got your "over the shoulder boulder-holders!" You are hilarious.
I am glad to see you haven't been posting a lot either.
I have just been too busy.
Gingerbean looks to be about the same size as Chelsea. Chelsea is 14 lbs. We are in love. Doug has already said "the next time, we are going to get a red & white." :-)
Happy Holidays!
Cheryl