FREDRICKS OF PLAINVIEW

I recently won another gift certificate on the radio. This one was to a lingerie store that stocks things from good old fashioned study undergarments (think Jane Russell) to eerrmm....items that you would kind at a bachelorette party (think Madonna in her younger years). Now I have never been to a bachelorette party but I imagine that it would be difficult for me to eat a cupcake shaped like a who ha. I mean really! How does one keep the who ha shaped cake from tipping over in the oven? *PONDERS the who ha question* Now what was it I was talking about???

Anyway, I took my gift certificate went to see what I could get for myself. Once I entered the store, I felt a bit like Alice In Wonderland. You have to remember...I am single and not seeing anyone. My evening attire consists of yoga pants and a great big blood donor T-shirt. I start looking through all these flimsy little things thinking *Dang, awfully expensive for something that is going to be worn for 6 minutes* when I heard him. I heard him loudly. His voice level was that of someone trying to talk to another person who is across the room at a party where music is blaring.

He an older black man (I would guess between 65-70). He was holding 2 different tubes of ~blink blink~ *male enhancement lube* that the store sells. He was telling the clerk (a woman that was in her 60's) how the lube in his right hand was JUST WONDERFUL and did the job REALLY well. He had bought that exact same tube of stuff just 2 weeks ago and he had already used it all up! Said he had gone through the whole tube in just no time! He had never tried the lube in his left hand and, while reading the ingredients, (Oh yes...he READ THE INGREDIENTS!!) noticed that it have aloe in it. He told her that he thought that the aloe would be a really nice touch in such a product but he would really have to have a sample before he would buy it. I am still at the rack holding all of the nighties but I am not looking at anything.....just flipping those hangers around and listening to the play in progress.

She told him that there were no samples.

He again, loudly told her that he would need a sample before he could spend his hard earned money on a product he had never before tested.

Again, she told him, WE HAVE NO SAMPLES.

~the song *YES, we have no bananas...we have no bananas TODAY~ starts spinning around in my head.

He requested a sample again !! She told him NO NO NO...there are no samples.

Then he asked if he could just go into the restroom and try it out.

ME *BLINK BLINK* ~furiously flicking through those nighties at the speed of light.

She declined.

He bought the lube he has been using and left.

The clerk turned her attention to me and asked if she could help me or would I like to go into the *back room*.

Me? I bought panties for pantipalooza.

I really have to get out more often.