CAUSE IN MY MIND, I AM 29
I went and got my eyes checked this past Wednesday. I have worn glasses for years now but have recently noticed that I am having a really hard time seeing small things. Made my appointment and then went in. The receptionist at the desk looked like she was 12 and just working there until school started and she entered the 8th grade. She was really sweet and had me fill out paperwork. I did as requested and returned the form and sat to wait until my name was called.
I promise I behaved and did not cause any problems.
She came and got me after a few moments and had me do some normal tests in preparation for my eye exam with the doctor. She was the one that administered the glaucoma test. You know the one where they blow the *little puff of air into your eye*. Who ever invented that?? I always do fine with the first eye. The second eye? Well she puts up a hell of a fight! That eye thinks *Why would I sit still and take that after you have just scared the bejesers out of the first eye??*. Anyway, after she was finished, she took me to the eye exam room and left me to wait for the doctor. I am sitting there in the half dark room when I notice the computer screen to my right. I look over at it and realize that MY NAME is at the top of the screen and I grow curious.
~no, not nosey just curious~
I angle myself so that I can read the screen and yet be ready to hope back into my chair so if the doctor comes in. Most of it was just the personal history that I had written on the form that Miss 12 year old gave to me. On the bottom of the screen was a line marked--PATIENTS DISPOSITION: Pleasant and Sociable.
Well that made me sit up a bit higher. The sweet 12 year old pegged me as pleasant and sociable. Then I got to wondering how in the world she really knew that? Was I marked pleasant because I did lay my eyeball in the *air gun* line of fire without throwing a fit? Sociable because I talked to much??? Oh good lord had I talked too much like I ALWAYS do??Then the doc came in and started my exam. It went fairly quickly and ended with his saying *Mindy I do believe it is time for you to move on into Progressive Lenses. * It even echoed when he said it. I sweat.
Me: *But;.....but...but....I am only 44!*
He heartily launched into describing how when the eye gets OLDER it loses its ability to remain eye shaped and wawa wawa wa wa.........
I like the term PROGRESSIVE LENSES much better than BIFOCALS. Both words still sound like orthopedic shoes. CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK
He gives me my prescription and I go out to pay Miss 12 year old and try not to talk TOO much this time cause I do not want her going and updating my chart on my behavior and my not being about to see it this time. Kinda like when you do something naughty at school and they make you pull a color at school.
Off I go to get my PROGRESSIVE LENSES.
I get to the eye glass place and they are so sweet and helpful. Usually I pick wire rimmed glasses that just blend in. Nothing old fashioned but also not jump out at you. I look and look and look and then decided IF I HAVE TO HAVE OLD EYES THEN I WANT THEM TO LOOK REALLY COOL! HIP! HAPPENING!
That is when I saw the frames. They whispered to me *pppssttt....Mindy....come here and just try us on.*
Their name? MODERN FORBIDDEN
Sounds like the name of the apple that Eve was not supposed to eat.
I tried them on and LOVED them but decided that I just could not make that big of a leap. I mean, people will be looking at me! I am NOT a cool *whimper* hip *sniffles* happening *pouts* person. This was out of character for me! So I dutifully tried on all of the sedate wire rimmed glasses. I looked for pairs that were no nonsense and would just get. the. job. done! I would try a pair on and then look in the mirror at my reflection. Each time I did, I could see Modern Forbidden looking back at me from the wall behind me.
Today I picked up my new glasses. Dear readers, meet Modern Forbidden.
I promise I behaved and did not cause any problems.
She came and got me after a few moments and had me do some normal tests in preparation for my eye exam with the doctor. She was the one that administered the glaucoma test. You know the one where they blow the *little puff of air into your eye*. Who ever invented that?? I always do fine with the first eye. The second eye? Well she puts up a hell of a fight! That eye thinks *Why would I sit still and take that after you have just scared the bejesers out of the first eye??*. Anyway, after she was finished, she took me to the eye exam room and left me to wait for the doctor. I am sitting there in the half dark room when I notice the computer screen to my right. I look over at it and realize that MY NAME is at the top of the screen and I grow curious.
~no, not nosey just curious~
I angle myself so that I can read the screen and yet be ready to hope back into my chair so if the doctor comes in. Most of it was just the personal history that I had written on the form that Miss 12 year old gave to me. On the bottom of the screen was a line marked--PATIENTS DISPOSITION: Pleasant and Sociable.
Well that made me sit up a bit higher. The sweet 12 year old pegged me as pleasant and sociable. Then I got to wondering how in the world she really knew that? Was I marked pleasant because I did lay my eyeball in the *air gun* line of fire without throwing a fit? Sociable because I talked to much??? Oh good lord had I talked too much like I ALWAYS do??Then the doc came in and started my exam. It went fairly quickly and ended with his saying *Mindy I do believe it is time for you to move on into Progressive Lenses. * It even echoed when he said it. I sweat.
Me: *But;.....but...but....I am only 44!*
He heartily launched into describing how when the eye gets OLDER it loses its ability to remain eye shaped and wawa wawa wa wa.........
I like the term PROGRESSIVE LENSES much better than BIFOCALS. Both words still sound like orthopedic shoes. CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK
He gives me my prescription and I go out to pay Miss 12 year old and try not to talk TOO much this time cause I do not want her going and updating my chart on my behavior and my not being about to see it this time. Kinda like when you do something naughty at school and they make you pull a color at school.
Off I go to get my PROGRESSIVE LENSES.
I get to the eye glass place and they are so sweet and helpful. Usually I pick wire rimmed glasses that just blend in. Nothing old fashioned but also not jump out at you. I look and look and look and then decided IF I HAVE TO HAVE OLD EYES THEN I WANT THEM TO LOOK REALLY COOL! HIP! HAPPENING!
That is when I saw the frames. They whispered to me *pppssttt....Mindy....come here and just try us on.*
Their name? MODERN FORBIDDEN
Sounds like the name of the apple that Eve was not supposed to eat.
I tried them on and LOVED them but decided that I just could not make that big of a leap. I mean, people will be looking at me! I am NOT a cool *whimper* hip *sniffles* happening *pouts* person. This was out of character for me! So I dutifully tried on all of the sedate wire rimmed glasses. I looked for pairs that were no nonsense and would just get. the. job. done! I would try a pair on and then look in the mirror at my reflection. Each time I did, I could see Modern Forbidden looking back at me from the wall behind me.
Today I picked up my new glasses. Dear readers, meet Modern Forbidden.
I think me and my new glasses will be very happy together. They keep whispering *Oh Mindy, together we shall go to forbidden places with no visible lines!*
So far, I have just taken them to work.
I wonder if Eve wore glasses?
They look awesome. Now you can be progressive just like me. I looked at them through both the top and the bottom of my lenses, to get the full effect.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Know what my 12-year-old dermatologist calls the freckles on the back of my hands?
Maturity spots.
LOVE them!! And the name makes them even better!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that I'm not going to be too far behind you. Rosemary has already caught me a couple of times adjusting the distance on things I'm trying to read. She makes fun of me - without mercy. Little twit.
But if I could look as cool as you . . . maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all!
And Zorra, I insist on calling them freckles. Just big ones.
ROTFL
ReplyDeleteHaving spent more than 90% of my life in glasses and the last 8 before I had the bad lasik done, I can totally relate to your eye appointment, Miss Pleasant and Sociable. Too funny, all of it.
And those glasses. If they'd had glasses that cool before I had bad Lasik, I'd be wearin' them right now. You look mahvelous, dahling. It's apple pan dowdy for dessert for you tonight!! Right after your apple martini.
And Zorra, I didn't know they were AGE spots, I just thought that when you got older the tan took longer to cover your body......;)
Those glasses are some serious cute--and I know my cute!
ReplyDeleteLast year a ten-year-old optometrist tried to talk me into progressive lenses.
I said "I can't have progressive--I'm Presbyterian!" This year I think I'm going to lose that fight.
Gosh Mindy, I am older than you and I have only been progressing for two years! You must be aging fast--probably due to all that pleasant and sociable behavior...I'd stop that if I were you! Ha Ha!
ReplyDeleteThe glasses look sophisticated. I like 'em.
Those glasses look SWEET sis!! I wish I wore progressives...sniffles
ReplyDeleteSo ... girlfriend ... now you know why I have such hip, happen'n glasses. If I have to wear progressive lenses ... they are going to be suh-weeet!!! Kinda like YOURS!!!
ReplyDeleteCute, cute, cute! And such a funny story, too!
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous! I've always wanted to wear glasses, Everytime I go into the eye doctor I hope and hope that this will be the time that I can be cool,too.
LOL on the 12 year old. My mom refers to her present opthamologist as "the paper boy" and says they really should let kids get over zits before they let them go to medical school...
ReplyDeleteI have had Progressives for a couple of years now... I love them. I can see to read without taking off my glasses and putting things up to my nose... (most attractive...)
d
Well, of course, you would have to have progressive lenses. I really can't see you wearing Southern Baptist lenses or even quietly conservative lenses - just so not you.
ReplyDeleteLove them! I wnated some too, but chickened out. I also chickened out on the progressive lenses. I'm thinking about Lasik, and then the glasses wouldn't work.
ReplyDeleteGosh, you just crack me up. I just love your humor. Anyway, the glasses are FAB!!!!! And don't feel bad, it happens to most of us in our 40's. One day you glance at your watch and realize you can't see the time without wiggling your arm around alittle. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI wear BIFOCAL contacts but I did go with a regular (line in) bifocal glasses recdeently. I just like how WISE I look when they're sitting on the tip of my nose and I peer over the top of them, lift one eye brow and say, "WHAT?"
PS...My eyes have nothing to do with my ability to spell. It's just my spelling correctly day off.
ReplyDeleteCheese, you're cracking me up!
ReplyDeleteMindy, you were BORN for Modern Forbidden. Really. Those are seriously cute.
LMAO Zorra.. age spots.. sheeesh. I showed my Dr. the backs of my hands once (cause I have some too) and he said "Oh those are just aeeeuhhhh..... freckles." Smart man.
ReplyDeleteWe always knew you were a very progressive person.
ReplyDeleteYour story reminds me of the 12 year old appointments receptionist who read really loudly my MD's order for a "full, guided ultrasound indicated for pregnant woman of advanced age". I was freaking 35 at the time.
Your cow friends left a calling card at my place...
ReplyDelete:)
Deb
Sassy, Mindy, sassy! I think you made a great choice. And I've been wearing progressives for the last five years. So much easier than squinting.
ReplyDeleteI have, uhm, progressed, too. I got cool little skinny glasses -- I like them. Until the 12 year old fitting them told me how well the steel-grey frames matched the grey in my hair.
ReplyDelete=o(
I'm pretty sure my paperwork wouldn't say "Pleasant and sociable." I'm thinking "Surly and reticent."
ReplyDeleteThey look great! My husband I have both switched from wire rimmed to glasses like yours and we love them. My 7 year old has them now too...hers are purple :)
ReplyDeleteOOOH, I have been progressive for years-but then I'm 11 years older than you are! I LOVE those frames! Love them!
ReplyDeleteNow you should try bifocal contacts, which is what I'm currently in. They're wonderful!
I had to go "Progressive" two years ago already so you are better than me!!!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I will NEVER EVER do again at the eye doc is to let them check me for "Dry Eyes".
If your doc wants to check you for Dry Eyes - just remember these words of wisdom:
KICK and RUN
They put these little tiny needles attached to a tissue paper in the bottom part of my eyes. I had to lay there, while there were freakin' needles stuck in my eyes and I could see the tissue paper sticking out for three minutes. It felt like three days.
I don't think they labeled me as pleasant and sociable after that.
Did I mention that there were Needles in my EYES??????
LOVE your glasses!!
to forbidden places :)
ReplyDeleteThat is the best damn name EVER. I think you should name your retirement ranch property or your vacation chalet "modern forbidden". Or your novel. Whichever!
ReplyDeleteTHis is too freakin' funny!
Mindy - You are a Modern and Forbidden woman!! Love these frames - I will be on this same path very quickly and I am going to take Mrs Swizzle with me to bolster my confidence so I can get glasses as FAB as yours!!
ReplyDeleteIn my mind I must still be 14-ish, cuz I got along really well with the middle schoolers inhabiting my minivan this last week!
being three weeks shy of 44 myself, and having the experience this summer of having to wear READING GLASSES over my expensive twice done lasik eyes ALL THE TIME, I especially appreciated your post. Modern, pleasant, sociable, and forbidden...what a great combination!
ReplyDeleteThe glaucoma test always gets me, too. (Still hanging on to my nonprogressive lenses and glasses...)
ReplyDeleteLOL ... love your writing style .. and the glasses! Ditto what the others have said! I tried the progressive lenses ... got dizzy moving my eyes up and down. But the good news is that you can't see the line in my new (purple, wire) bifocals!
ReplyDeleteI love the glasses. I went into "progressive" lenses when I was 25, so don't feel so old! :)
ReplyDeleteit was hard for me to adjust to the progressive lenses too... yours look great.
ReplyDeletemine make me look....old