Monday, January 21, 2013

52 Verbs--Scatter

When I was a little bitty girl, my parents and I had gone somewhere and gotten a whole bunch of cattails.  The neighborhood kids and I had a ball using them as swords and scattering all of the fuzz off of them.  It looked like a big old blizzard on a little street.  My friend's mom was not so pleased with our efforts and tried, in vain, to rake up all of the scattered pieces of those cattails.  I remember her seething and watering her lawn down so that she could try to rake all of that mess up. 

Sometimes, when something has been cannot be undone in an easy manner. 

 Remember that little verb project of Diane's?  The one that I thought was going to be so *fun*.   Yeah well....I am about over it already and am only into week #2.  This weeks verb was SCATTER.   In my mind, this was a fun verb.  Before the end of the week....not so fun.
This past Thursday my  little town of Plainview Texas,  population 22,000,  was dealt a huge blow.  Cargill,  Plainview's largest employer, will close it's operations here on 2/1/13. You can read more about it here.  They employ over 2,000.  You do the math.  It was built here in Plainview in 1971.  Some have worked at that plant since it's opening here.

                                   Peanut Corporation of America                     
Remember the peanut butter scare a few years ago?  The one because of salmonella?  Yeah it came from here.   We kinda look at it like John Wayne Gacy's neighbors looked at him....we did not see or smell anything.  Sorry about that.
We have counted 7 other businesses that will close their doors the day that Cargill does.  Those businesses are directly related to Cargill.  That must be at least another 1000 people.  That is not even taking into consideration the other jobs that will be lost due to our downward spiraling economy.  

They also were a big contributor to many community service activities here.  Those include United Way, Chamber of Commerce, American Red Cross, Literacy Council, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, Optimists, Rotary Club, Industrial Foundation, City Council, Country Club Board of Directors, Special Olympics, Cotton Barons Ball, CASA and many others.  

                                           The 1st Kmart that closed before I even moved here in 1996.  
Thursday morning, people got up and went to work not knowing that they would be without a job withing a matter of hours.

Oh Cargill was one had a clue.  Not even the people that worked there.  Instead of selling the plant, they have chosen to IDLE it.  That means there is no hope of any other industry coming in and buying that building.  Cargill is in hopes to reopen it if the cattle industry picks back up in 5-10 years.  
                                        The 2nd Kmart that has been closed for at least 10 years.
People will move.  They will have.  We don't have jobs to help those people. They will scatter.  There is no way around that. They will not be able to feed and take care of their families here.  

When they scatter, so will so many other things in this little community.  

                              J.C. Penny outlet that has closed within the last year.
We felt the fallout at work Thursday and Friday.  People running in to see if they can go look for other work.  People calling me to ask me if I had heard.
                               Starbucks that has been closed over 4 years.
And me saying over and over not quit!  Stay until until the end so you can get a severance package and unemployment.

                                     Staples closed over 5 years.
People are just in shock.  Because, even if you were not directly employed at Cargill, if you live in Plainview you will be effected.  It's like everyone woke up and were turned into zombies overnight.   

        Wendy's closed over 3 years.  You can still occasionally see people sitting in the drive thru   wondering why no one is taking their order.  
We have lost other businesses here but nothing on this scale.   Everyone I have pictured here are all on our interstate.  Now tell me, how inviting is that to a business that is thinking of coming in?

So....what is a person to do?  What can you say to help begin to put the scattered pieces of people's lives back together. Because let's face it, God has a plan and it'll all be alright just are not going to cut it at this time.

Like the cattails...nothing can be done quickly and easily to fix this mess.  We can hope for the best and re-group.  In the meantime, people are hurting and are getting desperate.  It will get worse.    

And yet, even though the town is bleeding, I do not think it is dead

All that I know to do at this time is to treat people...all people...with kindness.  Take the time to listen to people because they need to talk.  Call people by their names.  Slow down and take the time to SEE that people are hurting.  Pray.  Hug people.

Then it dawned on me....shouldn't WE have been doing that already?  No matter if you are in Plainview Texas or anywhere else in this big beautiful world...we should already been doing this.

 Shouldn't I have already been doing this?  

If we all do this together, drop our tiny little pebbles into our tiny piece of the water, our ripples will eventually touch and make a difference. 

.....who wants to toss pebbles with me?

Monday, January 14, 2013

Be My Valentine...

Okay people,*dusting my negativity off* we need to do something fun!  Let's have a swap.  It has been YEARS since we have done a swap!  I am going to open this up here on the blog and on facebook.

Since Valentine's is my fffaaavvvooorrriitttee time of year *cue rolling of the eyes* it is going to be a Valentine Swap. 

ALL you have to do is send a Valentine to the person I pair you up with.  That is it.  If you sign up you will be obligated to send out one Valentine to one person.  It can be homemade or it can be bought.  Mail outs will be on Friday February 8th so that everyone's valentine can get to it's destination in plenty of time. 

So, if you want to play (and I so hope you want to play) leave a comment here and then send your address to

You have until 2/1/13 to get signed up.

Facebook people can just send me a message with your address!

BEAUTIFUL CAST OF CHARACTERS: Amy, Ester, Stella, Eva, Phyl, Wanda, Lydia, Cheryl, Claire, Kimberly, Kate, Cindy, Jan,  Anna,  Rachel, MaryBeth, Marlene, Renea, Janet, Nelda, Deb, Susan, Camille,  Michelle, Lori C,  Nelda,  Madonna, Me

.....this is my happy face.

Friday, January 11, 2013


My friend Diane over at New Life Rising is working on some verbs this year.  She compiled a whole list of verbs and is going to randomly pull one off of the list and do something with it.  The imagination is the limit.  It sounded fun to me so I told her that I would play along. 

I should have looked closer at the list.

She emailed me to let me know that the verb she had pulled was WRESTLE.

Well hell.  Wrestle is exactly what I have been doing inside of myself this week.  I could have been creative with it.  There are lots of options to photograph, ATC or collage it but this one has to be written just to get it out.

My facebook followers saw what happened to me a few weeks ago.  I believe that someone took a  contract hit out on my life and chose to use a bird to try to take me out.  The bird failed and I won but there was collateral damage.

My first words were *DAMMIT!!!*  Then I thought that it could have been so much worse and I was very thankful that it wasn't and ordered a headlight.  I was able to get a used one so that was much cheaper than buying a new one.  Thankfulness again.   So I got the headlight in and watched some videos on youtube and thought *Oh Mindy girl you got this!*
Got home at 5:30 and got all of my tools together and proceeded to take out the headlight.  Waiting to do it after 5:30 was my first mistake.  Right now it is getting dark fairly early and it was very cold but I got it in my head that #1 I could do this, #2 it was going to be done in no time and #3 it was going to snap right in and right out. 
It was totally easy coming out.  All that was basically holding it in was the wires that connected the lights.  I did not have to break anything to get it out.  All of the tiny parts were just riding around underneath the light.  Cleaned it all out and got the new one ready to pop back in.  I was even able to put the lights parts back in where they go with no problems.
But this is as far as I could get it back in.  I did everything in my power to get that headlight back in and it would.not.go.  I took it out and put it in the backseat of the CRV and decided I would just get up fresh and early the next morning and pop it in.  Mistake #2 I knew I had to have a light in because I was going to Amarillo the next day and it was supposed to rain. So I needed a light in and a big pirate eye patch to go over the hole.  Then I went and whined about it on facebook. 

You can see where this is going right?

After reading the comments on facebook I again thought I could do it and went back out and started it again.  The harder I worked at it the more frustrated I became and started to cry.  All of the little things that I have been wrestling with over the last few months started dancing around in my head *Well if ? was here ? could have fixed it in a second but ? left and is never coming back*  *you cannot do that and never could* *people leave you and you are alone because you are unlovable*  *no one is ever going to love you and you will always be alone* *good thing your mom bought that extra cemetery plot because you will die alone and will have to be buried next to her*  *no one is ever going to love you one*

Then I remembered an email conversation that I had with a friend.  She is going through a really hard time and had said verbatim:

"You seem to be so happy and secure in yourself. Would love to know how you do it!"

I thought *Damn,  how do I do it?  Is it just a big old lie?  Am I fooling myself?*.

You see, I am my own worst enemy.

You see, I know that all of those things are not true. At least I know they are not true 99% of the time. I do know who and what I am and that I am very worthy.   Most of the time I am wonderfully content.  Then I hit a speed this case....a bird.

Camille (bless her little heart) called in the middle of my crying and I caught her totally by surprise.  She tried to use her best calm voice and take care of me.  I wonder where she learned that from? Told me Shawn would come over and fix it but I told her no.  I told her I was done.  I told her I was mad at the past relationship because this would have been a tiny fixable thing to her, told her I was giving up, told her I was unlovable and would always be alone. Told her I was going in to take a hot bath.  I told her I was DONE with EVERYTHING.  And for that moment in time, I was. 

Thank God my children know when I am crazy and what to over look. 

She texted Cade who was in Lubbock.  He texted Cameron.  Cameron drove up and mosied up the drive way like he was just out on a stroll and said *hey Mindy, can I help you with that?*.  And I let him.  He had to work on it about 15 minutes but he was able to get the headlight IN the crv.  TADA

The physical problem was actually easily fixed.  I just should have called someone to help me.  There are a lot of people who would have not one bit of problems helping me.  But I couldn't.  I felt the need to prove to myself that I do not NEED anyone.

That was Tuesday night and I am still wrestling.  Trying to dust all of the negative off of me.  Negativity that I heaped upon myself.  I went back to the sentences about being happy and secure and how I did it.  I have looked at them and studied them.  I have looked at them long and hard.

I do know that I am tired of wresting with myself. I am also just plain tired of myself.  I am not sure what to do with the being loved part. I know that all of you love me. I have no doubt about that. That is not the kind of love that I am talking about. I have a problem believing that I will eventually have a loving partner. Someone that wants to have a life with me. It is a desire of my heart.   I also realize it is a very petty problem in the large scheme of things.  In the meantime, I am working on me. I am working on being what I want. LOL it has worked so far because it has gotten me all of you.

Now several things have happened since you have started reading this:

Someone of you never got this far.  *LMAO* 

Some of you think "well, bless her heart, she just needs some patience"  I am 50 years old and have been divorced for 20 years.  I know what patience is. 

Some of you think *Oh my gosh Mindy get a life and stop being so damned whiny* I am trying!!  I promise!!

And some of you are whispering *In God's time*.  I KNOW that I only want things in God's time and I know that is how it will happen.  However, let me tell you that I think that sentence is cruel to utter in any situation.   The people that throw that sentence out are normally the people who already have what the other person wants.  You have no idea how condescending that is.  So please strike that from your vocabulary. 

Then there is that other group that wishes that they could just give me their spouse.  *grins*  You have a blessing....recognize it before it is too late.

Despite not having all that I want, I am a happy person. I am a secure person. I do have all that I need.  I have a sweet life. I have my bad days/weeks but then I work to move forward. I actively work at being happy. It does not come just all freaking la te da easy. I have to wrestle with my emotions sometimes on a daily basis. I CHOOSE to be happy. I CHOOSE joy. I CHOOSE to move forward. Sometimes I do not really understand how but I do it. 

So what do you wrestle with? What words of wisdom do you have for me?

.....looks sucky in wrestling tights.

Monday, January 07, 2013

M Stands For Mindy!

  1.  I do not like playing back voice mails.  ~grins~  my children no longer leave me messages cause they know I will just call them back instead of listening to the message.  I have one message on my cell phone that has been there for 3 weeks that I have not listened too.  I will eventually just to make the little phone icon go away.
  2. I sleep on my side with a pillow between my legs and one behind me.  Makes me feel like someone is sleeping with me.
  3. I don't think wienie dogs are really dogs.  They seem more like cats to me for some reason.
  4. I am more addicted to pinterest than I am to facebook.  
  5. I have a love/ hate relationship with facebook.  I have had to block people in order for ME not to stalk THEM.  lol  Yeah I know that is backwards. 
  6. I suck at love.  Major suckage.  You would think that I would get it right someday.  I mean well before the rest home.
  7. I collect M's and flying pigs in my office.  My boss made the remark to one of the new officers whose office is not decorated yet *Just go get something out of Mindy's office.  It's kinda like shopping in Kirklands in there.*  I took that as a compliment.
  8. My rats tail is over 20 years old.
  9. I love Pandora and the ability to make all sorts of stations.  LOVE that I can now play it on my blu ray disk player at home! My favorite station is Almost Lover.  K.D. Lang is stalking me there.  I wish she would show up at my front door.  *clicking my heels together 3 times*
  10. I have got to make a pilgrimage to Ikea and Trader Joe's.  Santa Fe has a Trader Joe's right?  I will be packing a cooler.  Who wants to go with me?
  11. <------this is my favorite number.  I love when I happen to look at the clock and it is 10:13.
  12. Walnuts make my throat itchy.
  13. I want to travel.  Look at #10.
  14. When my ears and throat itch, I can make a noise with the back of my throat/tongue to scratch it.  I have always been able to do it.  Makes my mom NUTS.  She truly thinks that I do it to irritate her.
  15. I have a cool knack of winning things.  So I tend to not enter a contest unless I really want the prize.  I learned that after winning a 5 foot blow up shrimp.
  16. I LOVE popcorn.  I could eat it every day!!
  17. I have grown to HATE Oklahoma.  Oklahoma has done nothing for me but spawn Arbuckle Fried Pies, Cuppa and Joe's (in OKC) and Affair of the Heart craft show.  The rest of Oklahoma.....*spits*  It has taken too much from me.  And Garth Brooks lives there.  *spits*
  18. I talk to my work printer.  She and I have been together since 2007.  That is 74 in printer years.  I fear that she is about to leave me.
  19. I have gotten to the point where I really don't like to talk on the phone all that much. I am sure my parents never thought that would ever happen. I can remember having to set a timer to 5 minutes when I was talking on the phone. My daddy's job meant that he had to be on call and able to be reached at all time. That does not mesh well with a teenage girl's love life.    Plus I could never get more than 2 feet away from being tethered to a wall phone. I have actually had an operator break into a phone call to tell me that I needed to hang up because there was an important call.   
  20. This girl could never imagine a day where she would get to carry her own phone in her bra. ~grins~